My own loneliness was, I discovered a byproduct of self loathing.
i was taught from a very young age that I was no of value: not seen or heard, that what ever I said or presented as, it was not to be believed. It was dismissed as of no value.I stopped trying and created my own mental "habitat" frm where I could look out from and be invisible.
I began to feel that I had nothng to offer ad that others would not want to be with me if they got to know how worthless i was. Nor did I feel I deserved to be with others, even if I faked it for a time.
This message was clearly expressed to me and left a deep iimpression that took decades to eradicate.
This also, as a consequence, left me vulnerable to the predators and enablers from within and without my childhood circle of guardians and peers.
Consequently after experiences in their hands, I became distrustful of anyone who would want to be my friend.
I dont know if any of this rings a bell for you BUT –This is the first hurdle – Overcoming this falsehood of worthlessness and shame is job 1!
You are worthy of friends and companions. worthy of wholeness and happiness. You are seen you are heard and appreciated - but that has to come from within first. Your autentic whole sself is there waiting for you befriend them. Then you can go forth and find others.
My own loneliness was, I discovered a byproduct of self loathing.
i was taught from a very young age that I was no of value: not seen or heard, that what ever I said or presented as, it was not to be believed. It was dismissed as of no value.I stopped trying and created my own mental "habitat" frm where I could look out from and be invisible.
I began to feel that I had nothng to offer ad that others would not want to be with me if they got to know how worthless i was. Nor did I feel I deserved to be with others, even if I faked it for a time.
This message was clearly expressed to me and left a deep iimpression that took decades to eradicate.
This also, as a consequence, left me vulnerable to the predators and enablers from within and without my childhood circle of guardians and peers.
Consequently after experiences in their hands, I became distrustful of anyone who would want to be my friend.
I dont know if any of this rings a bell for you BUT –This is the first hurdle – Overcoming this falsehood of worthlessness and shame is job 1!
You are worthy of friends and companions. worthy of wholeness and happiness. You are seen you are heard and appreciated - but that has to come from within first. Your autentic whole sself is there waiting for you befriend them. Then you can go forth and find others.
