Isolation and lonliness

I guess, the answer is yes.

Perhaps, try to write something to someone.

I wanted to be everyone's friend, as a kid, because I felt so s**t about myself. I couldn't stand rejection.

Now, I just have to isolate, whenever I'm at home.

I struggle with isolation because I oscillate between trying to fit in and hating myself, and retreating because it turns out I actually hate everyone else (an over exaggeration to some extent)

I’d love an index of readily available people I could talk to about a specific topic, at a specific time, with no introduction required, with no judgement. 

I’ve learnt that most people don’t operate like that, they cultivate friendships by an ‘always on’ approach which I can’t keep up with, but I crave when I do want connection,

I don’t have a solution to your question, other than maybe we just feel isolated because we’re different and don’t conform to the standard definitions of  friendship and connection.

ps happy to be your friend, promise I’m not as bleak as I sound 

My own loneliness was, I discovered a byproduct of self loathing.

i was taught from a very young age that I was no of value: not seen or heard, that what ever I said or presented as, it was not to be believed. It was dismissed as of no value.I stopped trying and created my own mental "habitat" frm where I could look out from and be invisible.

I began to feel that I had nothng to offer ad that others would not want to be with me if they got to know how worthless i was.  Nor did I feel I deserved to be with others, even if I faked it for a time.

This message was clearly expressed to me and left a deep iimpression that took decades to eradicate.

This also, as a consequence, left me vulnerable to the predators and enablers from within and without my childhood circle of guardians and peers. 

Consequently after experiences in their hands, I became distrustful of anyone who would want to be my friend.

I dont know if any of this rings a bell for you BUT –This is the first hurdle – Overcoming this falsehood of worthlessness and shame is job 1!

You are worthy of friends and companions. worthy of wholeness and happiness. You are seen you are heard and appreciated - but that has to come from within first. Your autentic whole sself is there waiting for you befriend them. Then you can go forth and find others.

Befriend the self first and foremost!

Yes it’s quite common, although loneliness is also on the rise in the general population. I often feel like I’m ‘not autistic enough’ to not feel lonely but ‘too autistic’ to work out how to fix that. Pets can be a big help, even just my little leopard gecko is a great companion. Volunteering with people who have similar interests is another way to meet people. Other than that I can’t offer any ideas as I’m still stuck with the same problem. 

Yes, it's common.

I think part of the problem can be that we autists also have a tendency to crave solitude, more so than people who are neurotypical.

Although I have found that it's not impossible to form friendships with other people, the time and effort required to maintain friendships can sometimes be an issue.

I have friends who are also autistic, and I've found that it is rare that we are ever in complete synch with each other. It can often be the case that when I'm in the mood for being chatty and sociable, they can often be feeling burned out and wanting to hibernate, sometimes for days or weeks. Then, when they are feeling refreshed, I'm the one who is then in hibernation-mode.

With fellow autists, I think we are more willing to cut each other some slack. Whereas, I think neurotypicals can have difficulty understanding why we may appear to blow hot and cold. It makes no sense to them that we can feel lonely, whilst also craving solitude.

yes its a key trait, but these days its actually normal amoung even standard people given that its the change in society due to the rise in technology.... everyone in on their playstations and tvs, kids dont hang out and form social circles no more, its all technology now. this is why everyone is like that now.

how to combat it? .... i combatted it by getting a job, the job acts as my social circle i spend way too much time than i like in, then my isolated home time is a recharge from that mess of a workplace full of social stimulation and stuff.

It might seem like a daft question, but do you want friends or are you being told you ought to have them? Many autistic people are quite happy with their own company and don't need or want loads of people around them, but wider society tells us we all ought to have herds of people around us and that there's something wrong with spending time alone.

Hi Mick,

Yes, it definitely is common.

Sadly, there is no magic wand. I think online forums like this help a little. It is good to engage with positive things, not just negative things. E.g. make a post about any special interests that you have.