Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi all,
I was diagnosed with ASD earlier in the year. Even though it is something I have thought and believed my whole life, I feel like the diagnosis has turned me upside down and I feel like I don't understand myself anymore. It felt like the assessor saw things in me that I don't see myself, but in the report she wrote, nothing of the sort was described. I received a post-diagnosis email but there wasn't much on there either. I just want someone to talk to who knows Autism well and I can organise my thoughts and learn more about myself. I have tried reading things online but it just doesn't seem to be helping. I want somebody to talk to about it all that knows what they are talking about. I just don't know where to turn.. I feel so isolated and alienated from myself, did anybody else have this experience? I'm from the East Midlands, can anybody signpost me to something that may help? I tried a peer mentoring-type service, but once I signed up I heard nothing more from them, I have sent follow up emails with no response also.. I have joined local groups on Facebook but it all seems to be child-centred and parents looking for school placements.
Any feedback would be greatly received, I don't want to keep feeling this way.
I was diagnosed last year.
I still feel lost.
I don't know how the schools I attended did not recognise that I was Autistic.
I was recommended some books to read. They are not going to help me with my social skills though.
I still need to get in touch with the GP about my Autism, but I cant get an appointment. All they tried to do was put me on anti depressants, which I don't really want to be on because they are not natural.
I feel there is a real lack of support for people who have found out they are Autistic. It is a big shock. Living in a world which is not designed for Autistic individuals is overwhelming.
I get the impression medical professionals have no clue what to do.
Mainly because it's a new area of neuroscience.
There was no such thing as autism when I was at school, you were backward, slow or stupid, just as you were if you had any learning difficulties, if you had ADHD you were naughty was well as all the above.
I dont' think medical professionals do know what to do, partly because of the question of, Is Autism a medical condition? If the answers yes then we currently have no treatment for it, if no then why are they involved?
It is hard though, I was diagnosed at the age of 50, I always knew there was something different about me, I went through all sort of things trying to find what it was, was it because I was an only child who only played with one other child before I went to school or what? I was diagnosed and left to get on with life, there was a feeling that I'd managed to get to 50 without help, so I could manage the rest of my life without it. I have tried to get help, but it's very difficult, even when in the company of those who's job it is to help, that help seem to be limited to making sure you have the right benefits.
I left school in 2017, then moved on to university. No one mentioned autism to me at school or university. It wasn't until I finished university that I was Diagnosed.
I was always in the top sets for science, Maths and English, so I suspect I may be an autism savant. This is a bit of a curse because I feel no one understands what I am talking about.
I didn't have friends growing up and just played by myself e.g. lego, reading, photography, video games or walking.
Making friends is really difficult in a world where you A) feel misunderstood like an outcast, B) just relied on yourself and C) is not designed by nor for neurodiverse thinking.
It is exhausting trying to explain this to medical professionals. It is not normal to be so comfortable with being lonely.
Then because I have been to university, didn't have friends though they assume everything is perfect and I do not warrant support.
Something is broken is society where mass amounts of Autistic individuals are not getting validated for their concerns.
But are you really lonely or are you just happy in your own company? Some people just need more alone time than others, this is true of NT's as well.
I think the people around you mistook intelligence for being OK, that seems to be quite common and lets face it there can be a lot of hostility towards people who are intelligent. The old "I went to the university of life" chestnut is alive and well, I've had people try and say that to me when they find out I've been to uni, they're so keen to tell me what a waste of time it was and what did I want to know all that stuff for anyway, they left school at 16 and can barely read. I remind them everybody goes to the school of life and stay there until they're dead and if they want to be dead from the neck up thats their problem not mine. Needless to say it's not a good way to make friends and influence people, but I dont' care, I don't want such people as friends.