Not Using My Name

Cat Loving Man said:

Second issue with business relationship they use my Christian name which I like and have said to do so.Then when there is a problem they de personalise by going back to calling me MR.

Using Mr is a more formal way of interaction in business, typically one where they are being more deferential. Using your christian name is an informal way so I would expect this to be used when you are deeper into a conversation with someone or you already know them.

As someone who worked in customer service for decades I think this is pretty normal.

Most workers get no training in style of communication (the last I had was back in 1991) but rather on the content.

Cat Loving Man said:

I also personally find it patronising the other extreme when my Christian name is used constantly in a conversation.

I don't find this - it is a more personal if fairly informal way of making a more personal connection in the conversation. Personally I don't do it as I have a terrible memory for names but I find it nice when someone does this.

It can be weaponised of course, as can most forms of communication, but that does not diminish its usefulness in conversations.

Personally I think you are massively overthinking this and that probably comes from the autism trait where you expect rules to be followed. Conversational style has a huge level of variance even in the same country so I would say embrace the difference, accept people may have different personal styles and don't expect everyone to follow the same regimented style you want.

In the scheme of things, is it worth stressing about, even in the slightest? Save that energy for the important stuff.

Cat Loving Man said:

Second issue with business relationship they use my Christian name which I like and have said to do so.Then when there is a problem they de personalise by going back to calling me MR.

Using Mr is a more formal way of interaction in business, typically one where they are being more deferential. Using your christian name is an informal way so I would expect this to be used when you are deeper into a conversation with someone or you already know them.

As someone who worked in customer service for decades I think this is pretty normal.

Most workers get no training in style of communication (the last I had was back in 1991) but rather on the content.

Cat Loving Man said:

I also personally find it patronising the other extreme when my Christian name is used constantly in a conversation.

I don't find this - it is a more personal if fairly informal way of making a more personal connection in the conversation. Personally I don't do it as I have a terrible memory for names but I find it nice when someone does this.

It can be weaponised of course, as can most forms of communication, but that does not diminish its usefulness in conversations.

Personally I think you are massively overthinking this and that probably comes from the autism trait where you expect rules to be followed. Conversational style has a huge level of variance even in the same country so I would say embrace the difference, accept people may have different personal styles and don't expect everyone to follow the same regimented style you want.

In the scheme of things, is it worth stressing about, even in the slightest? Save that energy for the important stuff.

I agree re the Autism magnifying but is definately deliberate as they use each others names when I hear them chatting and one obnoxious neighbour even said about me to my Sister I do not exist to him!