Published on 12, July, 2020
Recently I had a conversation with my sister, our topic wandered somehow on the mental health conditions. She said something that shocked me so I decided I have to correct her. She said, that autistic people don’t have any need to connect to anyone. I told her, it’s not true. There is another disorder that apparently makes people not desire to form relationships, it’s called schozoid personality disorder, but autistic people do need to connect, but often have no capacity and struggle socially. Autists also may and often feel lonely. She was shocked, she asked me where I know this from. Then I told her, that according to my last therapist I myself am autistic. She was shocked, she said no way! “You can’t be autistic because autistic people don’t have friends or maximum one friend!” Then I started laughing and I asked her if she knows how many friends do I have. There was silence and she finally answered - one! Of course you can be autistic and have some more friends, especially if they themselves are autistic. And not everyone who has only one friend or no friends is automatically autistic for only this reason. She also mentioned that 10 years ago I was at a party, it was organised by the company I worked. And I enjoyed it because it was outdoors and there were activities such as bowling and table tennis, not only beer and sitting and chatting. According to my sister if I was autistic, I wouldn’t be able to go there. So my whole life I heard “you weirdo, go to some party, meet some people, make some friends, stop sitting alone” but when I actually went to some party, I hear that I can’t be autistic because I went there. It’s also fascinating phenomenon, that when I got diagnosed (misdiagnosed) with Tourette, everyone happily agreed that I have Tourette and I was forced awful meds, and I couldn’t get rid of being told I have Tourette even when it was proven to be wrong. Same with depression. But autism?! No no! You can’t be autistic! I’m interested if anyone else heard similar answer from their family. You can’t be autistic because you are too intelligent for example etc. Initially it was my message to other user of this forum, but I decided to make it a post.
Alienatedhuman said:enjoyed it because it was outdoors and there were activities such as bowling and table tennis, not only beer and sitting and chatting.
Socialising with a purpose is much easier
Yes. It’s not that I can’t socialise at all, doing activities together is ok, this topic was also really well shown by the creator of the channel “autism from the inside”. It was a topic, how to differentiate autism from trauma, the overlap of symptoms and what’s left if the person is autistic and trauma is manageable. Micalleff said, that healthy autistic person socialises on their own rules - through activities. Like tennis or hiking or bike riding or anything else that is an interest. Because this set up does not require much talking. Whenever it was a party that included only drinking alcohol and chatting I in most cases skipped that or only sometimes showed up for short and disappeared unnoticed because it was unbearable for me. Especially in a pub or club with loud music and other noises, flickering lights and smells. But I was ashamed to confess at home that I left the party very quickly, and went for a long walk to enjoy the fresh air. So my family thought that I enjoyed the party and stayed long. The good think of that was that back then I stopped hearing “you weirdo…” the bad think is that now I hear: “you can’t be autistic!”