Published on 12, July, 2020
Hello everyone,
before I begin, I'm very new here and I've already done an over-shary post about my conundrum - I just wanted to double check it is okay for me to participate in the community while going through the journey of figuring out neurodivergence (I'm at the "need to decide whether to do an assessment" stage). Let me know if this is okay.
This is something has been floating in my head tonight and thought to see if there are any late diagnosed adults who could share their takes.
I just recently read someone's youtube comment on the fact that they were taught as children to look at people's lips instead of making eye contact, and it got me thinking...
One of the first thing I thought regarding my own eye contact while going through traits is "of course I don't have difficulties with it", and other people told me so as well when opening up about it.
But then I soon after remembered that I've been focusing on reading lips since I'm a teen, and that I remember consciously deciding to do so to either "help myself hear better" (partially because I've always had a bit of a problem with listening) and because "it would be cool to be able to read lips"... I also have an interesting tendency to stare at strangers (or random things), that sometimes gets me into trouble (and defo got me into trouble as a kid with parents).
After realising that, I've started somehow noticing how, when I look at people's eye during a conversation, it feels like there's some sort of horror movie style dramatic zoom situation happening in my head, or that, if I don't, I barely remember even looking at the person (if not for the lip trick).
So I guess, in a way, I kinda automatically taught myself how to deal with eye contact?
Has anyone ever experienced anything similar through their journey, or any other interesting story regarding eye contact? I'd be very curious to know!
Thanks again
In response to your first question, yes, it is fine for you to post on the forums and participate in forum discussions. It's not exclusively for members who have been assessed and received a diagnosis.
Regarding eye contact... I know there are many autists who do struggle with eye contact, and will go out of their way to avoid it. For others (such as myself), it's not a major issue.
In my case, the only instances where I find eye contact difficult is when I'm talking to someone about something I consider deeply embarrassing and feel self-conscious, or when my mother is extremely angry. I've never liked the colour of my mother's eyes, and when she's angry it's almost as though there's a subtle change in the shade of them, which causes me to feel a sense of foreboding, and to want to actively avoid eye contact. It's as though my mother's eyes turn into laser beams that are boring deep into my soul. Just thinking about my mother's scary eyes is enough to make me shudder.