Is this normal ?

Justbe said:

I keep thinking about him. I think about him holding me and looking out for me. Nothing beyond that. It's just fantasy. Is this normal ? When the reality is it won't happen.

Do you consider yourself A-sexual? If there is no physical attraction in your encounters then this is probably something to raise reasonably early in your discussions IF you do want there to be this closeness.

The vast majority of men will want something more than chit-chat and holding you. It is pretty important for an relationship to last that you let them know if this is not the case as then you won't feel right for them in most cases.

I notice you are in your 50s, the same as me so there is a greater chance that this may actually work out with an age similar partner, so don't loose hope. I find at our age that being direct is much more effective. We grew up with so much beating round the bush that we should have learned that it is all bull droppings and it is best to lay our cards on the table.

If this guy is just not the sort of person to get you hot under the collar then fantasise away - it is one of the truly private things we have left in life these days.

There is nothing to stop you approaching them and flirting a little to see if they show an interest. Just don't lead them on.

The following book should give you a wealth of info to understand all this stuff:

Love, Partnership, or Singleton on the Autism Spectrum - Luke Beardon (2017)
eISBN 9781784504847

Justbe said:

I may be being judgemental, by assuming he is not right for me

A key question here is who judges the "rightness" of a person and what are the standards involved.

It may simply be a case of you feel low self worth but in reality this is for the partner to decide so stuff it, shoot your shot, tell them you like them and see if they are interested in talking far enough to drop the issue of no sexual intimacy on them.

Just my thoughts.

Thanks for your reply. 

I don't think I'm asexual. I just wasn't attracted to the guy I spent time with around 6 years ago. He was 14 years older than me by the way. But that wasn't why I wasn't physically  attracted to him. I've only fantasised about the other guy just holding me, because I don't know him that well. As I get to know him that may or may not change. I don't know how old he is by the way. 

I am quite shy, so this isn't easy for me. And I fear rejection. Plus I have been through a lot of trauma (which I am  working through) I'd prefer if he made the first move. He's autistic too. So given all of the above, fantasy may be as far as it goes lol. I can joke about it, but it's sad really. 

Hope isn't a strong element in my life. But I'm doing my best.

I would never lead any one on.

Thanks for the book recommendation. 

Justbe said:

I am quite shy, so this isn't easy for me.

You will find that there is way more acceptance in society for you to make a move to say hello and not face anything negative. Your risk here is very low and the rewards quite appealing.

If he is indeed interested then chances are he will chat you up and it is at this point it is worth being direct and asking "I may be misreading the signals, but are you interested in me?".

If this is the case then my advice would be to say you too are interested and let him know you like him too.

This at least sets the stage for your chats rather than guessing and second guessing things.

Justbe said:

Hope isn't a strong element in my life.

There is always hope - believe in yourself and make your own hope is my approach.

Thank you for your advice and positivity. 

It is much appreciated

Thank you for your advice and positivity. 

It is much appreciated