Autistic empathy

With a little loose time this after noon.......

    I have to check in with my body to know how I, myself feel.

    For empathy:

   I don't feel like I could be the one to say if I am "empathetic" or not . I can't say. Others say of me that I very solution oriented and that feels right. And inspirational. I come at problems with a business like drive. When people are suffering I obsess over how to best help them. They become a sort of short term special interest. I do need to ask many questions and find out just what is wrong sometimes to see if I am even the right helper in the moment.

    When there are no problem and just people abiding together I find myself able of some forms of prescience, like knowing "Bobby's" wife will have a baby - and it's a boy -before he's told anyone at all or that so and so will be early and in a bad mood. or the like. Or I had a go bag the morning of the fire before it began, feeling the coming of some shift in my life changing. 

    I can still be shocked, too, and feel led on when someone might, a week after a tearful late night call, not even remember the thing that distressed them so, while I'm still making calls and trying to set up some solutions for them. I learned from this to hold back. How fleeting emotions are.

     PTSD is another thing, though, and needs a stronger hand at the till than mine - sharing too many of those traits in common,  being too close to it myself.

     I know about myself that I can take chest-burning umbrage at things like wars, pointless famine, using the planet as a toilet and the like. There I am mostly overwhelmed by the magnitude and realize I can but do for those who are within arm's reach, and just hope there are others with cool enough heads where these other afflicted are.

     I was also, as child always giving away my things (except my radio)  to any child who would express a keen interest in them. That child's happiness was what made me feel good - a solution to the problem. The things I never missed. Children's parents would come round, returning items that seemed too valuable or personal for them have been given. I felt they didn't belong to me and would not touch them, felt a shamed to have the thing around and avoided the child who I had given it to out of shame. Was that empathy?

    I have also. like some of you, have had the thing where people would tell me the deep dark stuff of the nightmares of their lives. I kind of enjoyed hearing it all, as material for stories - like David Sedaris might. Funny thing, though, the better I have learned to establish and protect my personal space the less frequently this happens.

Here is another youtube video from autism from the inside where he talks about empathy. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-wPxKRyiR_g&ab_channel=AutismFromTheInside

I really like his channel and understanding emotional intelligence is one of his special interests

Hi there I think you are right there are not simple answers all the time because we are dealing with unkind people outside the community

Uhane, if you don't like the answers to questions don't ask them, and don't read or respond to my posts. Your needless attempts at simplistic solutions is tiresome too.

Me too. nefarious us!

most people aside, if you want solutions let me know. needless belly aching is tiresome.

Empathy is something I feel very strongly. I hate seeing people upset and hurt, I'll cry if I see people having a bad time, even strangers and I just want to help but find I often can't help and then I feel like a terrible person. It's like my whole body is programmed to feel bad whenever I see people near me struggling but when I look at others they couldn’t care less. 

It's really exhausting being this empathic and I'm sure my anxiety abuses it because I spend a lot of time feeling anxious about my own life but also more time than I like admitting worrying about other people, some who I don't even know. 

I have the same thing, I've always had people telling me their problems for as long as I can remember, I think it was in part what led me to become a counsellor.

Of course it's easier to tell an outsider things because they're on the outside and have no one to tell, if they do they get blamed and driven out still further.

I do have an ad blocker, I just get a shed load of "sponsered ads" instead of the usual ones.

I think I must use the internet and tv differently to most other people, I have a desk top for the internet and a telly for watching stuff, htat has a humax box attached to it, but it's so painfully slow, I don't seem able to have an ad blocker on there and the ffw button dosen't work on adverts and I don't have the right button for "skip this ad".

I think most people are lazy and don't realise they can object to things like ads or searches that bring up the wrong results. It could explain why there are so many returns of unwanted items and poorly made clothes and stuff, people just don't feel they have any agency or empowerment with it and accept being told that thats just how it is.

I have my ways.

Can you not use an ad blocker? I never leave the desktopwithout one -and use firefox on privacy mode.

TheCatWoman said:

With youtube its the adverts that do my head in, as well as not knowing what to look for or how to look for it.

Agreed.  Me too.  I can't abide advertisements and I refuse to deal with them, where ever possible.  I also choose not to watch "Youtube" in the sense that people use that word......but I have little problem watching most "youtube videos" in another way....on a mobile phone or computer.  I rarely "watch" them, but often just "listen" - hence why I simply cannot abide advert interuptions, or long delays before starts.

TheCatWoman said:

try and give me a load of stuff I don't want

That is my problem with the majority of "interfaces" these days through which we can access things on the internet.

I like things simple and focused.  I have to work hard to achieve this with my tech.

And thank you for explaining as above.  I really am interested in peoples attitudes and experiences with all this sort of stuff.  I am considered VERY weird for my behaviour around tech and internet matters.....but I simply CANNOT understand why that is the case.....99%+ of the population seem unable to appreciate the logic I apply to such things.  Principles.  Rare these days?

TheCatWoman said:

me having to fork out a shed load of money for other peoples convienience rather than because I wanted it.

I am glad to hear that you stick to your guns based on your experiences too.

TheCatWoman said:

an alexa thing, but I think it would just literally give me something to argue with and would probably end up defenestrated and jumped up and down on in the first day.

You and me both!!

Anyway, I hope that me using 4 of your quotes will squeeze through the errant "auto-spam-bot-killer-thing" that lurks around.....and I'll say bye-bye to you CatWoman....with thanks for your time.

Both, it's hard when people tell me 'it's intuitive' as it feels like thats an excuse for not not explaining. Tech dosen't like me and never has, anything from a basic calculator to a computer, to washing machines. When I list the number and weirdness of things that have gone wrong people either tell me it happns to everyone, which it obviously dosen't, or they get angry with me, laugh at me or in the case of the tech guys at uni, they used to hide from me if they saw me coming with anything that looked like a lap top bag.

With youtube its the adverts that do my head in, as well as not knowing what to look for or how to look for it. I've tried using some of the "how to" videos and ended up frustrated, so many are American and they have different stuff to us, even asking for UK only still seems to get me American stuff. In fact the whole of the internet bugs me like that, why when I've searched for something specific, do I only get 3 of them and then a load of stuff thats exactly what I didn't want? I don't do ebay, paypall, internet or mobile banking, social media, games and a load of other stuff either. I'v had satnavs send me to the wrong part of a county and nearly made me miss my sons wedding, I much prefer a map.

I've not had good experiences of people trying to help me with tech either, I get a new computer and we go through the stuff that comes with and and they ask me is the anything I don't want, when I tell them what I don't want, they get cross and tell me I have to have even if I don't use it now, I might later. I've been told I don't deserve a computer because, I 'don't use it properly'. I've had people try and teach me stuff I dont' need to know, in favour of the stuff I do need.

I don't like speakers in computers because I can hear them hissing, I've never had a camera or microphone and have no idea how to do zoom calls or anything like that, or who I would call for that matter. I went to a local woman who's paid by the council to help people get used to digital stuff. She ended up saying there was no point in any further meetings until I got a smart phone and worked out what I would use it for, as I was cross that it seemed to be me having to fork out a shed load of money for other peoples convienience rather than because I wanted it. I lived in an area with no mobile phone signal for about 8 years, we had such poor internet signal that BT gave us a refund. In that time, phones went from the Sony Razor, to the smart phones we have now

When people ask me what I want to do with a computer my mind goes blank and they either try and give me a load of stuff I don't want, like something with a massive screen I'd have to sit in another room not to be overwhelmed by or something so tiny I'd need the hubble space telescope to see it.

I sometimes wonder about getting an alexa thing, but I think it would just literally give me something to argue with and would probably end up defenestrated and jumped up and down on in the first day.

Its like when it comes to tech people start speaking a language I dont' know that they expect me to know. In fact its a bit like being autistic all over again with all the things "tech typical" people expect me to instinctively understand.

these are good questions.

I'm glad you enjoyed AH! I loved this show and learned a great deal of self confidence and appreciation for my relationship with myself and with friends. I wish they would make more! I cannot access the british version or I would watch that too.

this is so true with my ex best friend when he used to phone because he would belly act for ages I used to do some admin while he was talking !

Cat Loving Man said:

people always seem to want to tell me all their problems

I get this too.

I think it is because we don't interrupt them when talking (we often don't read the cues as to when it our turn) and this gives them the chance to vent, believing we are listening intently whereas we are often just trying to work out when to say our bit from 5 minutes ago.

Hi there I find I am too empathetic and I find it takes a lot out of me in fact people always seem to want to tell me all their problems

Do you want it that way, or do you either hate dealing with tech and/or tech seems to hate dealing with you?  I don't think I know anyone who doesn't access Youtube.

I hope you don't mind me asking, and please just ignore me if you'd rather not say.  I'm just interested.

I've not got the equipment to do it, no speakers, no youtube no social media