Published on 12, July, 2020
I by chance unexpectedly about two and a half months ago met this absolutely beautiful man - he is a man not without his quirks but if anything I find those endearing and quite cute to be honest. We instantly had a vibe and appeared to like each other, constant eye contact, smiles and finding excuses to be in one another's presence and,or text msg's - he even unnecessarily called me one day, which I totally loved that hearing his voice during my work day, I was on a natural heigh the rest of the day (good lord listen to me I sound like a bloody teenager lol).
Please Note: I apologies upfront for all of the writing that is coming (thus I will try to do some dot point too) summarisation has never been my strong suit sadly lol...
There are a lots of bits and pieces and even though it;s only been like 10-11 weeks a lot has happened but for now I'll keep it brief - I believe that this gorgeous man may have Aspergers, Autism and be on the spectrum but is extremely high functioning or, or he may just be so extremely intelligent that the things I have noticed are just quirks I am not sure. Also if he is on the spectrum I am unsure if diagnosed but doesn't accept or didn't want to tell me or that he hasn't been diagnosed.
I am neurotypical however I am beyond understanding, caring, compassionate and honestly if he is on the spectrum and he would of been upfront with me it would of saved some missed opportunities of beautiful conversations and experiences AND would of prevented me from getting very unforcedly out of the blue unexpected hurt by him. I have a 19+ year caring, nursing and NDIS/NDA background and I am just a passionate caring person in general so am extremely equipped to deal with this if told the truth and given the opportunity and my own choice to do so.
I am sending out this post for help (those on the spectrum and those who are in relationships with or been in long term relationship etc);
To a) see if my thoughts that he is on the spectrum are possibly correct
b) if so what other traits that I have missed besides what already notice should I look out for
c) things were beautiful for weeks and things happened that were so wonderful but now he did things and said complete opposite and we have now lost communication but I wish to open up the communication back but without being to over whelming if my thoughts are right that he is on the spectrum and I need help.
Please don't medicalise him. If he is diagnosed, he might be fed up with people analysing him. If he isn't diagnosed, healthcare professionals should not be diagnosing those they have or want a relationship with.
I'm 52, have been autistic all my life apparently, but was only diagnosed a few months ago.
Really, what does it matter? If he is autistic, he is being honest with you (we don't really know how to be neurotypically not quite honest). If he isn't autistic, I don't know if there are underlying motives.
Healthcare love slapping labels on everything, but if the person doesn't feel it is helpful for them, why would they seek it? The only reason I sought diagnosis is to protect myself from discrimination in the workplace as I have been bullied in pretty much every job I've had.
The people I have had relationships with just had me to work with, not the label/diagnosis. I know I tend to rush too much, get too intense and trusting too quickly, then get burnt by the other person's different opinion of what 'honesty' is. When that trust is broken, I break off all contact. So there may be a reason, which he may or may not want to tell you.
If you had HIV, would you be telling him at this point in the relationship that you have HIV? In other words, is that an appropriate level of sharing for such a new relationship?
Just wondering, if you care, why are you probing so much? Try acceptance instead, let it be, and see what happens. He is the way he is because he is the way he is.
Hi Fiona,
i think perhaps I didn't explain myself or the situation correctly in my original post.
There's absolutely no problem and I absolutely do accept him for who he is and I actually really adore him to be truly honest with you BUT in the process I have not probed, have taken him and enjoyed him as he is BUT in the mean time I (something I have not done in many, many years) let my walls down, went with the flow and did not prob, did not question and done what you said to only turn around and be blind sided, and hurt (close to heart broken tbh).
I can see (as I didn't want to write too much & didn't explain everything I can understand why you miss understand my intensions and think that it's me who's wanting to move to fast but there's more to it) that there's been a miss understanding of my intention here - I care for this man very very much and I am just trying to understand, i only mentioned being a nurse and stuff saying I have a caring, compassionate and passionate nature certainly not at all trying to diagnose anyone - i think i've communicated incorrectly in my first post. Sorry.
Please note that I am now this far along with my thoughts and likeness, and caring for him so much because well yes I think the moment I met him yes I did think of him very fondly but since then like 5 weeks into meeting him he has taken me on a date and the same day took me to meet like 60-70% of his immediate family - we had a meal with his parents. I haven't come so far along in a short time on my own, so for me to car this much and want to be the if not partner but type of friend he needs, yes it seems soon my questions but considering he took me to meet his family 5 weeks in from meeting him - i'm not jumping the gun all that much but I hadn't previously mentioned that so again miss communication.
But that's ok Fiona - on the way home he didn't initiate anything physical and I back then already had thoughts he was possibly on the spectrum (which has never been a bad thing to me and like I said i find so cute and indearing those little things and admire he's wonderful traits) so I concerned if I made a move it could make him uncomfortable and we had, had such a wonderful day and i couldn't think of anyone else i'd want to have spent it with or other things i'd have wanted to do But I did not want to spoil the beautiful day or upset this gorgeous man so i didn't push anything.
BUT two days later I couldn't not tell him how I felt, so told him and despite having been on a date he completely initiated and him taking me to meet some of his parents, sisters, brother in law and some of his nieces etc - later that night after had text him how I felt he replied that he was not interested in a relationship atm.
And there are many things before that and even a couple things after that (actions) showing he wanted a relationship with me but then he's text said the opposite - which I completely respect his decision (I haven't even wanted to upset him or cause conflict - so didn't ask why he took me to do all that but now doesn't want a relationship) but we live in the same household and if he has too much going on and what he needs is a friend not a relationship well so be it but i just want to open up lines of communication /friendly so we're not uncomfortable etc at the very least is all. I absolutely meant nothing bad by my post I was just after some clarity and trying to do the right thing Fiona. Sorry if it came across as something else.