Published on 12, July, 2020
Hello, I have been with my partner for almost 10 years now and he has always struggled in work. He has mainly worked in factories and has been let go and recently worked in a kennels was was told he was not a good face for customers. After all these incidents it has destroyed his confidence and he does not want to work with people again which I can understand. He is waiting for a diagnosis of autism but has been told the waiting list is 2 years. He is receiving help from employment support agencies but they only ever help him with his CV or tell him to apply for jobs on Indeed which he has been doing for months now.
He is having more frequently meltdowns in which he'll throw a cup against the wall or start hitting himself continously or bang his head against the table. I find it so distressing and tell him to stop but he doesn't, so I'll ring mindline and he'll calm when he talks to someone.
My question is, what should I do when he is having a meltdown? Leave him to have some space or try to calm him down?
Also, if anyone has any advice on finding remote work (data entry, customer service, typing) it would be really appreciated.
NAS79234 said:My question is, what should I do when he is having a meltdown? Leave him to have some space or try to calm him down?
Leave him be - he needs to process this internally and come out the other side. The chances are that any attempt to interact or interfere will be met with being blanked at best or possibly lashing out at worst.
There are quite a few books that could be of interest - I would recommend looking up the reviews on the likes of Amazon or GoodReads and see what people say about them:
For you (and possibly for him):
Understanding Autism For Dummies - Stephen Shore, Linda G. Rastelli, Temple Grandin (2006)ISBN 0764525476
Loving someone with Asperger's syndrome_ understanding & connecting with your partner - Ariel, Cindy N (2012)ISBN 9781608820771
From Anxiety to Meltdown - How Individuals on the Autism Spectrum Deal with Anxiety, Experience Meltdowns, Manifest Tantrums, and How You Can Intervene Effectively - Deborah Lipsky (2011)ISBN 9781849058438
For him:
Asperger Syndrome and Anxiety - A Guide to Successful Stress Management - Nick Dubin (2009)ISBN 9781843108955
Helping Adults with Asperger's Syndrome Get & Stay Hired - Barbara Bissonnette (2015)ISBN 9781849057547
An Aspie's Guide to Getting and Keeping a Job - Attwood, Tony, Evans, Craig R., Lesko, Anita (2015)eISBN 9781784501303
There is so much to cover in the career finding aspect that it is hard to give any sort of concise response.
What I would suggest is finding the things he loves doing - special interests especially and let us know what these are, plus his main issues (poor social skills, office lighting, sounds / smells etc) and we can suggest some autism friendly career options.
Better still, point him to this forum and let him ask - take some agency and feel he is doing it for himself in order for him to build self respect and have a community he can vent to when he needs to.