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"If you don't like me, I don't like me"

HMO
3 months ago

A direct quote from Robbie Williams within an interview he did a year or so ago.

I'd be surprised if this is an uncommon experience on here. The extent of my people-pleasing is that the thought of hurting someone, even unintentionally, is horrendous. When it actually happens, it's even worse.

It's the thing of "are they going to be so angry with me that they'll try to hurt me?", and when that has been proven to be true, it's hard to not believe that. When you have also turned the entire world against you like I have, you're pretty much stuck with that feeling. The "you need to move on" advice becomes even more unhelpful.

  • 3 months ago in reply to Amerantin (former member)

    Yeah. They confirm all the negative things I've said about myself.

  • 3 months ago in reply to Iain

    There's absolutely nothing stopping an angry person on the internet from setting fire to my life (again), no matter how much learning and shields there are. I don't think I'll ever be prepared for that.

  • 3 months ago
    HMO said:
    It's the thing of "are they going to be so angry with me that they'll try to hurt me?",

    In my case it’s more of a shame response: I must be a terrible person if they feel that way. 

  • 3 months ago in reply to HMO
    HMO said:
    I have nothing to protect me if I find myself in such a situation again, no matter how much I try and avoid it.

    You have experience, a therapist and this community to provide support.

    You also have the knowledge and experience of why you made the original error and the intelligence not to repeat it.

    These are your shields now - use them wisely.

  • 3 months ago in reply to Iain

    We've spoken about it fairly extensively since it happened. Most sessions anyway. We both understand that emerging from it will be complicated because of the loss of trust (on both sides).

    I wrote an article (under my full name) which was published yesterday. That was the first bit of 'exposure therapy' I've done since it happened, and I don't seem to have been attacked anywhere that I can read it.

    The main thing I keep coming back to is that I have no protective shield. I have nothing to protect me if I find myself in such a situation again, no matter how much I try and avoid it.

  • 3 months ago in reply to HMO

    From what you have posted here I'm fairly certain you have a trauma resulting from that event - I would ask your therapist to focus on this for a while to help you explore and defuse its power over you.

  • 3 months ago in reply to Iain

    Like with a lot of things, it's perhaps one of those things I've not delved into as much as I could have. We've addressed my nature to people-please but not the specifics.

  • 3 months ago
    HMO said:
    It's the thing of "are they going to be so angry with me that they'll try to hurt me?", and when that has been proven to be true, it's hard to not believe that.

    This is a classic trauma response.

    It is not far from the situation where after having a car crash you are scared to drive again in case it happens again.

    It echoes quite a lot of posts you have made here in the past so can I ask - did you ever get therapy for it? This is the best way to deal with it and learn to forgive yourself and move on.