"If you don't like me, I don't like me"

I grew up with abuse, and that quote resonates with me. When someone you highly value, gets angry and hurts you, berates you, dislikes you, discourages you, and/or embarrasses you, it is almost impossible to like yourself, especially if you grew up with it and experienced it for years. I used to avoid looking at mirrors, because I'd used to just see the abuse within me. 

And I vehemently dislike the words "you need to move on." You need time to process your pain, to recover from it, and what to do to safeguard yourself from abuse, and there's so much to more to it. You need to build yourself up, you need to find out what triggers you so that you can be more aware of not invoking those negative rabbit holes when it's unwarranted, you need to learn what you've been negatively conditioned to falsely believe about yourself and/or others. And there's just so much to it. 

I still enjoy helping people though, and I still have people-pleasing tendencies, but I've just learned to be more selective about it. I rationed, I could spend my time helping a person who hurts me, or I could spend my time helping a charity, and/or those who would appreciate it. Just yesterday after work, I spent a few hours teaching someone a new skill, even buying a starter kit for them so that they can practice on their own and get better at it. And then I gave another person a gift card, since they helped drive me home a few times before, and I just wanted to show them that I appreciated it. 

And for those who had hurt me? They get nothing. I cut them out of my life. Those who take and never give anything back except for pain and suffering, and all kinds of other negative things, I don't want their curses, they can keep it. Even for those friends who would feel jealous or berate me for any skill that I have that was valuable, they can find other friends who would take their curses, but I don't want them. I'd much rather spend my time helping those who help others, rather than those who only take from others and never give anything except for negativeity in return.

I really hope that you overcome your adversities and challenges in life, so that you can help those that need your skills, knowledge, and generosity, not those who will hurt you and take all that you have. I hope you develop to have some assertive skills, the ability to say no, to stand up for yourself when that's needed, to have some boundaries with certain people, and to safeguard yourself from people who don't have your best interests in mind. I wish the best for you. 

I grew up with abuse, and that quote resonates with me. When someone you highly value, gets angry and hurts you, berates you, dislikes you, discourages you, and/or embarrasses you, it is almost impossible to like yourself, especially if you grew up with it and experienced it for years. I used to avoid looking at mirrors, because I'd used to just see the abuse within me. 

And I vehemently dislike the words "you need to move on." You need time to process your pain, to recover from it, and what to do to safeguard yourself from abuse, and there's so much to more to it. You need to build yourself up, you need to find out what triggers you so that you can be more aware of not invoking those negative rabbit holes when it's unwarranted, you need to learn what you've been negatively conditioned to falsely believe about yourself and/or others. And there's just so much to it. 

I still enjoy helping people though, and I still have people-pleasing tendencies, but I've just learned to be more selective about it. I rationed, I could spend my time helping a person who hurts me, or I could spend my time helping a charity, and/or those who would appreciate it. Just yesterday after work, I spent a few hours teaching someone a new skill, even buying a starter kit for them so that they can practice on their own and get better at it. And then I gave another person a gift card, since they helped drive me home a few times before, and I just wanted to show them that I appreciated it. 

And for those who had hurt me? They get nothing. I cut them out of my life. Those who take and never give anything back except for pain and suffering, and all kinds of other negative things, I don't want their curses, they can keep it. Even for those friends who would feel jealous or berate me for any skill that I have that was valuable, they can find other friends who would take their curses, but I don't want them. I'd much rather spend my time helping those who help others, rather than those who only take from others and never give anything except for negativeity in return.

I really hope that you overcome your adversities and challenges in life, so that you can help those that need your skills, knowledge, and generosity, not those who will hurt you and take all that you have. I hope you develop to have some assertive skills, the ability to say no, to stand up for yourself when that's needed, to have some boundaries with certain people, and to safeguard yourself from people who don't have your best interests in mind. I wish the best for you. 

Gosh, I’m really sorry to hear of both of your stories.

I suffer verbal abuse pretty much daily. Everything about my life looks great on the surface but they reality is far from. 
Im in a 27yr relationship, 2 children one of which we recently found out is autistic. I too believe I am autistic as well. My wife has a very good job, I am self employed and generally sort the kids out as my wife works long hours. I somehow find time to renovate our own house as well. 
I get treated and spoken to terribly which really has turned me into an empty shell. One day I hope to be free but my children come first and I need to be here for them. 

Where did it all go wrong?? 

I agree with Hullabaloo. "You need to move on", is code for I'm fed up of your pain and hurt and can't be bothered with you anymore. But I do agree that people need to find ways of dealing with stuff and people.

For myself, I'm learning to love without attachment, its not easy, it's not about forgiveness or any of that stuff. But with people who've not hurt me, I avoid those who have, I try and not have expectations, but to give my friendship without the expectation of something in return, that does not mean I'm a doormat though. I've recently not contacted a previous friend because of her rudeness towards me, I wasn't expecting a medal, just politeness, I do not need that sort of person in my life and I will not dance to her tune. It's an odd mix of being open and having boundaries and recognising that my intentions were good, and their response was not.

I'm not saying I can' tbe hurt, I have many tender spots, but I've done the best I can to not get hurt anymore, either physically or emotionally, I find it much easier to fight off physical attacks than emotional ones and I can give as good as I get verbally, even when I have to go around quoting Granny Weatherwax to myself, 'theres plenty of dangerous things out there and I'm one of them!'