Published on 12, July, 2020
A direct quote from Robbie Williams within an interview he did a year or so ago.
I'd be surprised if this is an uncommon experience on here. The extent of my people-pleasing is that the thought of hurting someone, even unintentionally, is horrendous. When it actually happens, it's even worse.
It's the thing of "are they going to be so angry with me that they'll try to hurt me?", and when that has been proven to be true, it's hard to not believe that. When you have also turned the entire world against you like I have, you're pretty much stuck with that feeling. The "you need to move on" advice becomes even more unhelpful.
HMO said:It's the thing of "are they going to be so angry with me that they'll try to hurt me?", and when that has been proven to be true, it's hard to not believe that.
This is a classic trauma response.
It is not far from the situation where after having a car crash you are scared to drive again in case it happens again.
It echoes quite a lot of posts you have made here in the past so can I ask - did you ever get therapy for it? This is the best way to deal with it and learn to forgive yourself and move on.
Like with a lot of things, it's perhaps one of those things I've not delved into as much as I could have. We've addressed my nature to people-please but not the specifics.
From what you have posted here I'm fairly certain you have a trauma resulting from that event - I would ask your therapist to focus on this for a while to help you explore and defuse its power over you.
In my case I didn't have a job at the time (just as well really), but my LinkedIn page spiked in views. I just got rid of it.
Nor was it something I had posted, but was made public when it wasn't initially. I tend to not get into online squabbles.
HMO said:It's one thing someone being offended and pulling you up on it, and calling you out. It's another thing someone being offended and trying to get you sacked from your job (or something).
The take away lesson from this is to never, ever post something that has the potential for an employer to have cause to sack you over.
Stick with this and you will be fine - just the odd online squabble.
Hopefully that doesn't happen, though I've seen things kick off enough times on here.
It's like social media has taught us that the best way to survive is to just be quiet. I know that I wouldn't have ended up in that mess if I had just shut up.
It's one thing someone being offended and pulling you up on it, and calling you out. It's another thing someone being offended and trying to get you sacked from your job (or something).
Iain said:I sometimes wonder what would happen if I upset someone enough on here with my blunt advice that they would try to have me "cancelled".
This actually happened to me in my first few weeks on this website.
I wouldn’t worry though Iain: the quality and helpfulness of your posts is exceptional.
HMO said:There's absolutely nothing stopping an angry person on the internet from setting fire to my life (again)
This is a very real threat in this day and age.
I sometimes wonder what would happen if I upset someone enough on here with my blunt advice that they would try to have me "cancelled".
You will always offend someone at some stage - the key is to believe what you talked about, be able to back it up and stand your ground if it is merited. If you were wrong then admit it, apologise and move on, learning from the lesson.
Living in fear it like not living at all - been there, done that and it isn't worth the cost.