Published on 12, July, 2020
Not what you're thinking, sorry.
I recently discovered that I am ND, and I'm trying to disentangle what in my personality is due to being ND, and what is not. If that's even possible.
My wife is a natural comedian, and a natural performer. She has improv skills which crack me up every time. I, however, do not have these skills and sometimes my wife expresses disappointment that I'm not able to be as entertaining to her as she is to me. But I am simply no good at improvisation. I think too much and too long before I say anything, so the idea of allowing a stream of consciousness out, unchecked and open to judgement, is abhorrent to me. Equally, when I'm simply being asked to perform I am unable. If my wife asks me to sing her a song, I freeze up. I've managed it a couple of times, but felt awful the whole time.
Does anyone else have these experiences?
I think autistic people put a lot of thought in to most things, being spontaneous is harder as everything has to be processed fist. I can work to quite a high standard but not with anyone watching and expecting me to behave in a certain way. Instantly I become conscious of them and start feeling anxious. Being random just doesn’t feel right.