Published on 12, July, 2020
I've been taking driving lessons for nearly 2 years now. From an outside point of view I'm a good driver with a few clearance issues, my instructor even says I'm test ready. What people don't see is the near paralysing fear I feel every time I get in the car. I'm so safe because I'm terrified. I've gotten pretty good at hiding how I feel, unless it gets too stressful and then I cry, but my instructor only really sees that fear and frustration maybe once a month. I'm also good because my instructor takes me on the same route every time, if it isn't that route then its another I've done before, but the test examiner could take me on a different route so any skill I have will go out the window if I get taken on a different route.
I'm considering stopping my lessons. I've spent way way too much money on it for the past 2 years and the fear hasn't gone away. It's unpredictable, scary, hard to read because there's some sort of unspoken road language, there's so much stuff to manage all at once, I honestly hate it. I got pushed into doing it and feel like I'll let people down and be a burden on my parents if I can't drive myself places. I dont wanna do that but it seems more and more likely after every lesson that that will happen. I'm wondering if continuing is even worth the time, money and effort anymore.
Anyone have any opinions or advice? How do yall find driving?
I used to be almost paralysed with fear when learning to drive, I had to take chocolate, rescue remedy and cigarettes with me in case of emergencies. I was exhausted and over stimulated at the end of lessons. I had to give up driving for a bit as I had such bad nightmares and saw someone for CBT about it. I do drive again now and quite enjoy it as long as I know where I'm going and avoid things like motorways, I can't cope with traffic on both sides of me, slip ways onto dual carriage ways are just about OK if they're not to fast. As I rarely travel further than Bangor it's not something I have to worry about. I do find bombing around on single track roads quite fun, although you do have to be aware of cyclists and oncomming tractors with their bailing spikes down hoping for a good crop of cyclists.
Take your test and keep driving, get any help you need to keep you driving too and don't go to long between passing your test and driving regularly or you'll lose confidence. So many jobs want you to have a driving licence even when they don't need you to drive, it's worth having, it's a useful form of ID too.
Yes - this sounds similar to me. I found learning and the driving tests (I passed on my sixth attempt - which is a bit embarrassing to admit!) - I was SO STRESSED at the tests! But in the end I passed - and I’m so incredibly grateful because I value the freedom that being able to drive gives me SO much. Like TheCatWoman says above - I drive within my capabilities and then I’m ok. I’m ok on motorways (in fact I like them if they’re quietish) but I never drive through big cities and I always plan my route beforehand to avoid anything I’m not comfortable with. I hated learning and the driving tests but now I really often enjoy driving sometimes. I learned to drive quite late in my early thirties. So if you feel you can face taking the test then I’d say give it a go, because you’ve you’ve passed you might find you can relax a bit more (I did) and find driving itself a little less stressful. And like you say : you’re fear will probably make you a very careful driver - and keep you safe!
I didn't learn until I was in my mid thirties and passed on my third attempt, the first two times the examiner was horrible and asked me to do reverse around a corner outside a primary school that was just kicking out, right before xmas and it was snowing, I thought it was a trick question and refused as I really didn't think it was safe. I failed, I had him again for my second test and he reluctantly agreed that I'd parrallel parked well in a space that was only just big enough for the car. The thrid examiner was great, he told me to stop half way through the test, I panicked thinking he was going to cancel it because I was so bad, but he said I was doing fine and just needed to breathe.
I'd never been a road user at all before I got into the driving seat of a car for the first time, I can't ride a bike or anything so it was all completely new to me. There is a lot ot be aware of and I think learning how to use the road is harder than learning to operate the car.
I’m still rubbish at parallel parking - even though I’m a very competent (if I say so myself!)and careful driver. I take driving very seriously and always try to be courteous to other drivers too. Sometimes in the rest of my life I feel I’m getting everything wrong - so being able to drive well and contribute to my family in that way helps my confidence in myself. It’s something I can reliably do well - which is a comfort!