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Tried telling the truth and made things worse

Rach91

I tried telling one of my friends the truth for the mistakes I have made only made things worse. A few weeks back I did that stupid thing with the burner phone and I told my friend that I pretended to be her to contact my other friend. I’m not proud at all I did what I did because of the trauma of my mums death that even though it’s been 3 years at the end of the month I’m still struggling and that causes me to act out on impulse but I am looking into therapy to help with my behaviours. Anyway I told my friend last night and she is really angry and hurt and said that she no longer wants to see me anymore only in ASD support group. She hardly goes to that because she works in a school full time and only goes when it is half term. I still haven’t told my other friend but I don’t think it’s the right time yet as the two of us have been getting on really well since we had a small break from one another on Sunday he picked me up in his car we enjoyed the sun and he cooked us a nice meal in the evening. I will tell him but not for a while longer yet. Both my friends involved in the incident are on the spectrum but I don’t know what to I have hurt one of my closest friends and I am really not proud of my actions I only did what I did out of desperation and fear but as they say your actions have consequences and that is fact for me. I really want to make it up to my friend I have hurt so badly I just don’t know how.

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  • Your explanations for why you did something, comes across as trying to explain away your actions, instead of acknowledging that what you've done has hurt your friend, and accepting accountability for that, and accepting the consequences of that. 

    Instead, you are trying to think and do everything in your power to keep them there, which goes against their will. You even got the burner phone last time, and I thought it was a very big reaction to a friend who just needed personal space, but I don't think you are comfortable with the thought of people not being there with you, and maybe it's from the loss of your mom three years ago, in which that's really sad and I'm sorry for your loss. So after thinking about it, I can imagine that your reactions may be due to you not wanting to lose anybody else in your life, but trying to control them like this due to the fear of losing them, is just going to push them all away from you. 

    Trying to make it up to friends after betraying their trust like that, will come across as trying to trick them, or manipulate them, even if it's not your intention to. It's because without that trust being there, they cannot believe you, and it's hard to come back from that. I mean, friends can have their ups and downs, but if there is no trust, they'll just distance themselves from you, because people don't like to be hurt like that. 

    I hope that you can recover from the fear of losing the people around you, and find better ways of connecting with people, other than through control and manipulation. Maybe unraveling some of those things in therapy will help you.  

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  • Your explanations for why you did something, comes across as trying to explain away your actions, instead of acknowledging that what you've done has hurt your friend, and accepting accountability for that, and accepting the consequences of that. 

    Instead, you are trying to think and do everything in your power to keep them there, which goes against their will. You even got the burner phone last time, and I thought it was a very big reaction to a friend who just needed personal space, but I don't think you are comfortable with the thought of people not being there with you, and maybe it's from the loss of your mom three years ago, in which that's really sad and I'm sorry for your loss. So after thinking about it, I can imagine that your reactions may be due to you not wanting to lose anybody else in your life, but trying to control them like this due to the fear of losing them, is just going to push them all away from you. 

    Trying to make it up to friends after betraying their trust like that, will come across as trying to trick them, or manipulate them, even if it's not your intention to. It's because without that trust being there, they cannot believe you, and it's hard to come back from that. I mean, friends can have their ups and downs, but if there is no trust, they'll just distance themselves from you, because people don't like to be hurt like that. 

    I hope that you can recover from the fear of losing the people around you, and find better ways of connecting with people, other than through control and manipulation. Maybe unraveling some of those things in therapy will help you.  

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