Never felt more lonely since ASD diagnosis

First, congrats on your diagnosis. It is only a positive thing to know why you are how you are on certain things, like your traits for example.

About mothers, a very respectful Dr said once two important things:

1. Your mother will be disappointed anyway.
2. Since your mother is the problem, maybe bring her here and I will treat her so you get better too. How that sounds?

Well, he was right. And the fact was I was trying to do to my mother what she has been doing all my life, to change me. From being so judgmental to be totally understanding. How that can happen with anyone? We are who we are in the brain, we may change some beliefs based on information but culture and upbringing and their unique situation when they were kids, will never match ours.

That conscious or unconscious fight to change each other make people go back and forth, feel they are dragged back etc etc

Your post, is all about your mother, I've been there, I feel you. Let me take it out of the way for you, she will never change, and she will never go away. So no worries you will loose her, and you bet you will get more of the same from her. The only way to loose her is if you decide to do it. Even if she stop calling, just call her, you will getting the old good mommy you know.

Next time she says something, do not be upset, dont argue it, end it by saying: "Thats a good point, I didn't think about it. Thank you, I'll give it some thought."

Its so simple.

But hey, another thing this Dr also said to me was: "Your friends, are Gods apology for your relatives".

I will not go say something silly like "go make some friends" because I am a 50 years old Aspie and in a nutshell what I learned in life about friends is there are no real friends. People come and go in our life like comets and sometimes crash on you and leave a big mark. Its a dice, it can happen you could get an angel, but dont hold your breath for it. Thats all there is. But, I really hope for you is different and better than my pessimistic view on them.

But, if you can have anything close to that, someone you can really trust, wants nothing from you, maybe an old school buddy (Facebook works for amateur stalking :p Bad joke?), really try go back in your memories and find one, just anyone that comes in mind yoi had that special link, to feel free to talk about all the BS of life, and you will laugh it off with them (but make sure it is one you can trust), well then you will go easier on this issue we all have with mothers and a tonne more we get from life itself.

Mothers will be disappointed anyway. I am sure if you look carefully, she always had something to say, always! Its an OCD thing with them.

But here's the most important thing you can do for yourself. Stay here, or any other forum and if you don't have much to say, just read. Now you know your tribe, read about the people you belong. You will be SO pleasantly surprised, that all the things you thought were wrong with you, are actually 100% normal, and its only other peoples, Neurotypicals (NT) they act like our mommy.

Now, if you have that friend, or if you need to find one from the past and get back to them, just go do it. Now. Like Johnny did in Cobra Kai and found Ali. I bet you will feel great doing it and when you do, poure your heart out, cry, laugh, be angry, have it all with them.

Dont waste your life for anyone.

Tomorrow is not promised to anyone.

So, I have two questions for you:

1. If that was your last day on earth, would you connect with people that trigger you or people who make you feel good?
2. What are you waiting for?

Smile.

First, congrats on your diagnosis. It is only a positive thing to know why you are how you are on certain things, like your traits for example.

About mothers, a very respectful Dr said once two important things:

1. Your mother will be disappointed anyway.
2. Since your mother is the problem, maybe bring her here and I will treat her so you get better too. How that sounds?

Well, he was right. And the fact was I was trying to do to my mother what she has been doing all my life, to change me. From being so judgmental to be totally understanding. How that can happen with anyone? We are who we are in the brain, we may change some beliefs based on information but culture and upbringing and their unique situation when they were kids, will never match ours.

That conscious or unconscious fight to change each other make people go back and forth, feel they are dragged back etc etc

Your post, is all about your mother, I've been there, I feel you. Let me take it out of the way for you, she will never change, and she will never go away. So no worries you will loose her, and you bet you will get more of the same from her. The only way to loose her is if you decide to do it. Even if she stop calling, just call her, you will getting the old good mommy you know.

Next time she says something, do not be upset, dont argue it, end it by saying: "Thats a good point, I didn't think about it. Thank you, I'll give it some thought."

Its so simple.

But hey, another thing this Dr also said to me was: "Your friends, are Gods apology for your relatives".

I will not go say something silly like "go make some friends" because I am a 50 years old Aspie and in a nutshell what I learned in life about friends is there are no real friends. People come and go in our life like comets and sometimes crash on you and leave a big mark. Its a dice, it can happen you could get an angel, but dont hold your breath for it. Thats all there is. But, I really hope for you is different and better than my pessimistic view on them.

But, if you can have anything close to that, someone you can really trust, wants nothing from you, maybe an old school buddy (Facebook works for amateur stalking :p Bad joke?), really try go back in your memories and find one, just anyone that comes in mind yoi had that special link, to feel free to talk about all the BS of life, and you will laugh it off with them (but make sure it is one you can trust), well then you will go easier on this issue we all have with mothers and a tonne more we get from life itself.

Mothers will be disappointed anyway. I am sure if you look carefully, she always had something to say, always! Its an OCD thing with them.

But here's the most important thing you can do for yourself. Stay here, or any other forum and if you don't have much to say, just read. Now you know your tribe, read about the people you belong. You will be SO pleasantly surprised, that all the things you thought were wrong with you, are actually 100% normal, and its only other peoples, Neurotypicals (NT) they act like our mommy.

Now, if you have that friend, or if you need to find one from the past and get back to them, just go do it. Now. Like Johnny did in Cobra Kai and found Ali. I bet you will feel great doing it and when you do, poure your heart out, cry, laugh, be angry, have it all with them.

Dont waste your life for anyone.

Tomorrow is not promised to anyone.

So, I have two questions for you:

1. If that was your last day on earth, would you connect with people that trigger you or people who make you feel good?
2. What are you waiting for?

Smile.

Wow you have given me some food for thought there! I really appreciate your reply it has truly made me look at things differently.

I've been a people pleaser all my life and felt guilty every time I've even sligjtly put my needs first but I think it is time now.

Thankyou