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Never felt more lonely since ASD diagnosis

Blue Raccoon

I was diagnosed a few weeks ago and initially I felt a huge wave of relief and burst into tears. Then I felt confusion and anxiety wondering if I will ever feel like I belong and wondering who I really am without the mask. And now I just feel so completely alone. I don't have many people in my life. Just my partner and children and my Mum. My Mum has always been unable to see things from other people's perspectives and is heavily critical of anything I do. But after having gone through the journey with me getting my own children diagnosed, I honestly thought she would be somewhat understanding when I got diagnosed myself. Instead she has been just the same as always and doesn't seem to understand that I really just struggle with life and have done for my entire life. I feel like if I try to take one step forward she is right there dragging me back three steps simply because she can't accept me for who I am. I think she thinks I can just snap out of it. I don't want to lose the only family I have around but I also don't want to keep being dragged back when I'm trying to progress. I have tried to talk to her but she is incredibly stubborn and can never accept that she is ever in the wrong. I just don't know what to do or who to turn to anymore. I feel so lost and lonely and I'm constantly worrying about what is going to happen in my future.

Parents
  • Blue Raccoon said:
    Then I felt confusion and anxiety wondering if I will ever feel like I belong and wondering who I really am without the mask. And now I just feel so completely alone.

    I would recommend finding a therapist to help you though this stage - make sure they are well versed with autism though. Tell them what you want help with and work on the areas that are causing you most distress.

    I found it invaluable after my diagnosis in my 50s.

    Blue Raccoon said:
    My Mum has always been unable to see things from other people's perspectives and is heavily critical of anything I do

    A good thing to consider here is that because autism it typically hereditary, your mum may also have autistic traits and was probably raised in an era when you were expected to just suck it up and deal with it - then get on as if nothing happened. This was my experience growing up and the responses you develop / armour you grow makes you less tolerant of people who don't use the same approach.

    It would be much better if she offered more support but if she is autistic herself then empathy may be elusive for her.

    Dealing with the pressures from your mum and the struggle to find your assertiveness is something the therapist should be able to help with too.

    The people on this forum are probably the best support mechanism you will have next to a decent therapist so don't be shy to vent or ask questions here - there is a wealth of experience and knowledge (and a few weirdos too LOL) to draw on for whatever you want help with.

    Welcome to the club.

Reply
  • Blue Raccoon said:
    Then I felt confusion and anxiety wondering if I will ever feel like I belong and wondering who I really am without the mask. And now I just feel so completely alone.

    I would recommend finding a therapist to help you though this stage - make sure they are well versed with autism though. Tell them what you want help with and work on the areas that are causing you most distress.

    I found it invaluable after my diagnosis in my 50s.

    Blue Raccoon said:
    My Mum has always been unable to see things from other people's perspectives and is heavily critical of anything I do

    A good thing to consider here is that because autism it typically hereditary, your mum may also have autistic traits and was probably raised in an era when you were expected to just suck it up and deal with it - then get on as if nothing happened. This was my experience growing up and the responses you develop / armour you grow makes you less tolerant of people who don't use the same approach.

    It would be much better if she offered more support but if she is autistic herself then empathy may be elusive for her.

    Dealing with the pressures from your mum and the struggle to find your assertiveness is something the therapist should be able to help with too.

    The people on this forum are probably the best support mechanism you will have next to a decent therapist so don't be shy to vent or ask questions here - there is a wealth of experience and knowledge (and a few weirdos too LOL) to draw on for whatever you want help with.

    Welcome to the club.

Children
  • in reply to Iain

    Haha. I welcome weirdos!

    Yes, I have thought that maybe my Mum is also on the spectrum. I'm almost certain she has adhd. And you're right, she was brought up to think that way. Put up or shut up. Stiff upper lip and all that. She has always been very closed minded about things as well.

    I just hoped she would be more accepting after being very involved in my daughter's diagnosis and learning all about it.

    I will find my people and get the support I need and maybe just not try and talk to my Mum about it all just yet.

    Thankyou for your advice. I'm so glad I posted this.