• Replies 3 replies
  • Subscribers 83 subscribers
  • Views 773 views
  • Users 0 members are here
Options
Related
Hints and tips
  • To quote someone's message, first select/highlight the relevant text, and then use the Quote button that appears
  • To "mention" someone, type @ followed by the start of the forum name, and choose from the list; that person will get a notification of being mentioned

Boredom, Loneliness within a family

SocialistAutistic

I am a 61 year old diagnosed with autism and ADHD late in life, have a wife and a 15 year old son also diagnosed with autism from 5 years old, high functioning but not very independent. 

I teach at university but I get so bored and lonely and feel totally stuck in my life and at times just can’t seem to take any pleasure in anything. 

I feel I could do with a good therapist but I have tried the ones offered by the NHS and they were next to useless as they just didn’t understand my autism and ADHD. I have looked at finding some private therapists who specialise in autism etc. but they want £120 an hour and I can’t/refuse to pay that. 

i used to drink a lot of alcohol from 16 to mask and fit in the neurotypical world, but I stopped over 2.5 years ago; the NHS CBT therapist seemed obsessed with this and  I ended up making a complaint against them.  

I’m rambling, so I’ll get to the point… what do older autistic people do to help with feelings of boredom, loneliness, isolation when they’re special interests no longer occupy them.  I used to have a lot of acquaintances and fun before I married but I know know that alcohol was a big enabler there and caused a lot of problems for me both physically and mentally and I also upset a lot of people. Now I have no confidence to make new acquaintances and struggle with trivial conversations that don’t interest me. 

thanks for reading Pray

Parents

  • Hi Socialist Autistic

    Yeah, anyone employed by the NHS will be obsessed with alcohol use as soon as it's mentioned - they seem to think that not drinking cures all ills. Maybe for some people it does - I'm not a health expert. But I believe that in many cases, particularly for autistic people, it just turns an alcoholic depressed/anxious person into a teetotal depressed/anxious person. Yes, alcohol can cause physical health conditions if taken in excess, but so can a lot of other things (including food and exercise). Focusing on it can make a person feel bad about themselves, leading to worse mental health.

    I also think that therapy does not always help autistic people, and even if it did, the NHS won't provide it long term and private is ridiculously, sometimes prohibitively expensive.

    I'm sorry that you are in this situation, and sorry if my first two paragraphs haven't been very positive or helpful - but hopefully you feel that I understand.

    So, to get to your point… "what do older autistic people do to help with feelings of boredom, loneliness, isolation when they’re special interests no longer occupy them.?" - For me, it's just a case of keep trying things until they absorb you.

    My current interests are reading, video games and autism. I have a kindle with a monthly subscription, so as soon as I finish a book I start reading samples of others until one catches my interest. If I finish a game, I'll keep checking the Xbox store for new ones or subscribe to xbox game pass to try others out for a fixed price for the month. I read posts on here and when a topic captures my interest I'll research it on the internet. I'm hoping I'll be able to retire early, as there are other things I'd like to do rather than working, such as the open university free online courses.

    You say you have a wife and 15 year old son - are there any activities you can do with them? Maybe you could play video games, build Lego structures, or research an interest of your son's together? Maybe you could go bowling or to the cinema with your wife? 

    I hope things improve for you.

Reply

  • Hi Socialist Autistic

    Yeah, anyone employed by the NHS will be obsessed with alcohol use as soon as it's mentioned - they seem to think that not drinking cures all ills. Maybe for some people it does - I'm not a health expert. But I believe that in many cases, particularly for autistic people, it just turns an alcoholic depressed/anxious person into a teetotal depressed/anxious person. Yes, alcohol can cause physical health conditions if taken in excess, but so can a lot of other things (including food and exercise). Focusing on it can make a person feel bad about themselves, leading to worse mental health.

    I also think that therapy does not always help autistic people, and even if it did, the NHS won't provide it long term and private is ridiculously, sometimes prohibitively expensive.

    I'm sorry that you are in this situation, and sorry if my first two paragraphs haven't been very positive or helpful - but hopefully you feel that I understand.

    So, to get to your point… "what do older autistic people do to help with feelings of boredom, loneliness, isolation when they’re special interests no longer occupy them.?" - For me, it's just a case of keep trying things until they absorb you.

    My current interests are reading, video games and autism. I have a kindle with a monthly subscription, so as soon as I finish a book I start reading samples of others until one catches my interest. If I finish a game, I'll keep checking the Xbox store for new ones or subscribe to xbox game pass to try others out for a fixed price for the month. I read posts on here and when a topic captures my interest I'll research it on the internet. I'm hoping I'll be able to retire early, as there are other things I'd like to do rather than working, such as the open university free online courses.

    You say you have a wife and 15 year old son - are there any activities you can do with them? Maybe you could play video games, build Lego structures, or research an interest of your son's together? Maybe you could go bowling or to the cinema with your wife? 

    I hope things improve for you.

Children
No Data