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Late diagnosis, female, 60

Sassetta

Hello - I've recently been diagnosed. While reframing your whole life is painful, there is a glimmer of calm because I know I'm not really alone any more; there is understanding out there. I had quite an abusive and bewildering childhood, at home and at school, so although it's not great revisiting and remembering, I think, with a counsellor's help, I'll be able to get over it. Autism isn't the nightmare, it's the things people did and said to make me feel lesser that was. It would be good to connect with other newly diagnosed older people to find out about them, their experiences, how their late diagnosis came about and how they cope. Thanks

Parents

  • Hi Sassetta

    Congratulations on your autism discovery. I don't know about you, but discovering something so fundamental about yourself in your 60s is..  (pondering the right words) well mind-blowing! 

    I was diagnosed last summer aged 62. I've always struggled with lots of things but somehow managed to exist and tried to fit in (oh the joy of a lifetime of masking!).  After my assessment and diagnosis I was told I might be in for a turbulent time for a few months while I sorted through my life experiences as I looked through them with a new perspective. 

    For a few weeks I was elated then I put it to the back of my mind and didn't give it much thought. After a few months I found myself mourning the person I could have been. I've always under achieved and I've done unskilled work (people used to question why I didn't do a job more suited to my capabilities!) 

    My current struggle is accepting that all autistics are very different and not comparing myself unfavourably against others. I'm trying to be kind to myself but I can't help comparing myself with my daughter (who has a really good job) and my sister (who runs her own business) Both are autistic too. Comparing myself against them makes me feel pretty useless. I've also started to consider that I masked so heavily during my 30+ year marriage that even my husband didn't know the real me, which is very sad to realise.  Im sure once I've worked through these issues there will be something else that needs sorting through. 

    I'm sure you will find lots of like minded folks here - and isn't it a relief to know we're not alone? 

    Inula

Reply

  • Hi Sassetta

    Congratulations on your autism discovery. I don't know about you, but discovering something so fundamental about yourself in your 60s is..  (pondering the right words) well mind-blowing! 

    I was diagnosed last summer aged 62. I've always struggled with lots of things but somehow managed to exist and tried to fit in (oh the joy of a lifetime of masking!).  After my assessment and diagnosis I was told I might be in for a turbulent time for a few months while I sorted through my life experiences as I looked through them with a new perspective. 

    For a few weeks I was elated then I put it to the back of my mind and didn't give it much thought. After a few months I found myself mourning the person I could have been. I've always under achieved and I've done unskilled work (people used to question why I didn't do a job more suited to my capabilities!) 

    My current struggle is accepting that all autistics are very different and not comparing myself unfavourably against others. I'm trying to be kind to myself but I can't help comparing myself with my daughter (who has a really good job) and my sister (who runs her own business) Both are autistic too. Comparing myself against them makes me feel pretty useless. I've also started to consider that I masked so heavily during my 30+ year marriage that even my husband didn't know the real me, which is very sad to realise.  Im sure once I've worked through these issues there will be something else that needs sorting through. 

    I'm sure you will find lots of like minded folks here - and isn't it a relief to know we're not alone? 

    Inula

Children
  • in reply to Inula

    Thank you for getting back and being so helpful and understanding, Inula. You are so right...mind blowing is a great description. 
    You have been honest about how you feel when you compare yourself to others, and that's not easy, but I think it's a wonderful achievement to have a 30+ year marriage! And yes - I'm sure any counselling will unravel lots. One thing my life has taught me to be is resilient. Lovely to hear from you, it's a tremendous relief to know there are like minded people like yourself out there.