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Late diagnosis, female, 60

Sassetta

Hello - I've recently been diagnosed. While reframing your whole life is painful, there is a glimmer of calm because I know I'm not really alone any more; there is understanding out there. I had quite an abusive and bewildering childhood, at home and at school, so although it's not great revisiting and remembering, I think, with a counsellor's help, I'll be able to get over it. Autism isn't the nightmare, it's the things people did and said to make me feel lesser that was. It would be good to connect with other newly diagnosed older people to find out about them, their experiences, how their late diagnosis came about and how they cope. Thanks

  • in reply to Sassetta

    Thank you Sassetta.

    Onward and upwards, eh!

    Ben

  • in reply to Ben

    Everything you say here makes perfect sense to me, Ben, especially the repeated return to unpleasant experiences. I think this can all be worked through now in a way I'd never imagined before. I agree, it would have been good to have been enlightened earlier, but I am happy to find others here like you, and better late than never! The prospect of peace at last is wonderful. Your last line is so affirming. 

  • in reply to Sassetta

    Sassetta,

    Four and a half years on, I find myself very much better informed. I have read a number of books on autism and, of course, read posts and interacted with others on this forum - many of whom were diagnosed later in life.

    My mind often takes me back to difficulties repeatedly experienced over the years, particularly in interacting with others. And now, with this late gained knowledge, at last some of these problems are becoming clearer as I see them in such a different light....... but oh how I wish this enlightenment had come earlier in life. However, I am happy to report that I am, at last, discovering just who I am.....

    I am Ben.

  • in reply to Roy

    Hi Roy,

    You put the whole experience so eloquently. Everyone who has kindly replied to me today has too. It's so true, we don't appear to others to struggle, but holding up a facade is exhausting.
    Having said that it is incredible to be understood and just knowing you amazing people are here is brilliant. 

  • in reply to Lotus

    Hi Pixiefox,

    Really good to hear about how you came to your realisation. It's great to know there are a few of us on here around the same age and who do indeed 'get' each other. 

  • in reply to Alien0n3arth

    Thank you for the warm welcome. It's reassuring to hear from folk like myself and read about others' experiences. 

  • in reply to Ben

    Hi Ben,

    How nice to be quoted, although for a sad reason. I hope your experiences with other people in your life weren't too bad? How is life four years on from your diagnosis? 

  • Sassetta said:
    Autism isn't the nightmare, it's the things people did and said to make me feel lesser that was.

    Indeed yes Sassetta, I totally agree with you.

    Diagnosed four years ago aged 67......

    Ben

  • Welcome to the community! I hope you will find here like minded people and that you will enjoy connecting to the members. 

  • Hi Sassetta

    I'm a female just a few years older than you. Around 8 years ago (When I was in my 50s) I had been going through a bad time with my mental health, when I saw a tV programme about autism featuring an autistic woman who did talks about it. I looked at her and thought "that's me!"

    I grew up thinking I was "normal" but just rather sensitive, that I had been unlucky in meeting quite a few people who didn't "get" me and made me feel bad about myself, and although I had interests that were more intensive and sometimes different to the usual ones enjoyed by my gender, I just thought that made me more interesting and unique. I had to learn what autism was before I really got to grips with who I am, and this forum was such a help.

    Most of us had bewildering childhoods, so you're in the company of others here who will be understanding. Hope you enjoy chatting with us.

  • Hi, welcome to the forum and congratulations on your diagnosis. Growing up in the 70’s wasn’t easy for many older autistic people. It does all need processing, my advice for what it’s worth is, revisit it all but don’t let it haunt  or punish you any further. I still get comments off, “ You never used to struggle with that.” The truth was I did struggle, you can most probably relate to any behaviour that wasn’t deemed as normal was deemed as bad behaviour and dealt with. In the end you create this person who is accepted by all and burn out / shutdown in private. Good  luck with your journey.

  • in reply to Inula

    Thank you for getting back and being so helpful and understanding, Inula. You are so right...mind blowing is a great description. 
    You have been honest about how you feel when you compare yourself to others, and that's not easy, but I think it's a wonderful achievement to have a 30+ year marriage! And yes - I'm sure any counselling will unravel lots. One thing my life has taught me to be is resilient. Lovely to hear from you, it's a tremendous relief to know there are like minded people like yourself out there. 

  • Hi Sassetta

    Congratulations on your autism discovery. I don't know about you, but discovering something so fundamental about yourself in your 60s is..  (pondering the right words) well mind-blowing! 

    I was diagnosed last summer aged 62. I've always struggled with lots of things but somehow managed to exist and tried to fit in (oh the joy of a lifetime of masking!).  After my assessment and diagnosis I was told I might be in for a turbulent time for a few months while I sorted through my life experiences as I looked through them with a new perspective. 

    For a few weeks I was elated then I put it to the back of my mind and didn't give it much thought. After a few months I found myself mourning the person I could have been. I've always under achieved and I've done unskilled work (people used to question why I didn't do a job more suited to my capabilities!) 

    My current struggle is accepting that all autistics are very different and not comparing myself unfavourably against others. I'm trying to be kind to myself but I can't help comparing myself with my daughter (who has a really good job) and my sister (who runs her own business) Both are autistic too. Comparing myself against them makes me feel pretty useless. I've also started to consider that I masked so heavily during my 30+ year marriage that even my husband didn't know the real me, which is very sad to realise.  Im sure once I've worked through these issues there will be something else that needs sorting through. 

    I'm sure you will find lots of like minded folks here - and isn't it a relief to know we're not alone? 

    Inula