I've posted and deleted this once already, because I didn't feel I was making sense and I was afraid of people judging. But I'll try again.
I used to be very insecure in friendships. I was worried that my friend would desert me if they made a new friend, or that they liked their other friends more than me. It happened quite a few times (the deserting), although mostly with people I never cared for that much anyway. There were people I did care about, and I blamed myself because I thought I wasn't pulling my weight.
It was complicated with meet-ups. I was wrong to say to someone "I don't want there to be anyone else, just me and you hanging out", because they might have wanted someone there for support (which is completely fine). My fear of being the third wheel overrode that, which it shouldn't have.
My self-esteem wasn't there and I was so bothered about wanting to be welcomed by these people and feel worthy, that I didn't realise I was ruining it.
Does this make sense? I'm not excusing how I handled things, but I wondered if this was an experience anyone else had.