Published on 12, July, 2020
Thank you to user JuniperFromGallifrey who informed me about the idea of monotropism, a concept developed by autistic people themselves to describe the intense focus autistic people have on their particular interests, meaning that other stimuli may be disregarded. For instance, if you're engaged in your special interest you may not notice someone speaking to you, or that you're hungry. And if someone draws you away from your activity of interest, itay be very irritating or make you angry, and it's difficult to re-focus. It's understood as a strength, the ability to concentrate so well.
I'm thinking of seeking diagnosis (female, age 40, married, two kids) it's very expensive in my country (NZ), and I'm doing a deep dive into autism to really understand it and assess whether I have enough characteristics to make it worth being assessed.
In the past I would focus deeply and for long periods of time on: reading fiction (from being a small child), academic essays at school/college/uni, painting for hours and hours into the night, playing particular adventure-based video games (Monkey Island, Day of the Tentacle...) for 10+ hours. I wouldn't eat when I was focused on something. But, I don't think I experienced those things as having gone down a long tunnel, and I didn't struggle with being brought out of my attention focus.... if someone came in and spoke to me I would stop and speak back, for instance. (Although my answers would be like... "what are you painting?" "A picture" [teen eye roll], what are you reading? "Ugh, a book". What's it about? "A girl".... etc etc so I guess I did find it irritating.... though I found my parents generally irritating lol.)
I guess I'm wondering, do all autistic people experience monotropism in the same way? Do women experience it differently to men? It seems to be a defining characteristic that all autistic people share as a description of themselves... or am I wrong about that? Do all autistic people struggle with refocusing your attention while enjoying your special interests?
It would make me very happy to be diagnosed with autism. My social difficulties have always been extreme. In addition, after reading this forum, I have a lot in common with a lot of people here. I have only ever had a couple of friends at a time, and a lot of the people I have chosen to spend time with have now been diagnosed with autism - I guess like attracts like, I don't perceive any oddness in my autistic friends, I appreciate their directness and the fact they only talk about interesting things. I would love to have an explanation for my difficulties. It would be a relief because I wouldn't be so hard on myself for all of my social, professional and personal failures. Thanks in advance
This is a good thread with short and pithy explanations and descriptions of terminology and experience that are very important to my lived experience. However, I believe your principle question relates to whether you should spend your money to get a formal diagnosis.....and on this point, I offer my thoughts to you, as follows, in the form of two questions;
Are there any practical or emotional benefits, to you, if you can receive a formal diagnosis? If you went for a formal diagnosis and it reported "no, you are not autistic"...would that potentially cause you emotional harm....at this point?
Personally, if it tastes like an orange, feels like an orange, smells like an orange and behaves like an orange, I am happy to accept (on faith) that it is an orange.
Thank you for your answer. That's a very logical way to put it. I, however, feel the need for an official stamp/piece of paper/orange label saying I'm an orange. I was raised being told by my parents that my issues are all in my head, caused by "self pity", laziness, rudeness, being "highly strung" etc. My mother was chronically depressed, and as a teen when I told her I was depressed, she got very angry and told me I was not depressed, I was just feeling sorry for myself. So... for me, I want the fruit grader to give me a certificate of orangeness that I can show to the world. So that everyone can see it's not just all in my head. There is A LOT constantly going on in my head and I would like to take this segment out and externalise it onto paper so it stops going around and around. A sort of end to the narrative so I can move on. And it is also for myself, I do need it confirmed for me too that it's not just me in my head.