Published on 12, July, 2020
I'm in my mid 20s, and I started doing this when I was 13.
Quite often, if I'm stressed or angry, I'll skip meals because I just won't feel like it. If I've screwed up, I'll punish myself by not eating.
If I'm angry with someone, my way of sticking it to them is to not eat. It's kind of me being spiteful, like "that person is angry with me therefore I'll hurt myself".
There's probably little logic to it (!) but for me, it's a form of taking back some control.
I'm really sorry you're going through this HMO.
This is something I used to do to myself and in the past I also would punish myself if I did something I felt was wrong, such as not eating and drinking. Drinking was usually what I'd sacrifice as a form of punishment.
It's a form of self harm and I ended up going to the GP about it and was referred to a therapist but lain is completely right, doing other things as a punishment like putting the hoover round, doing gardening, any chore you would normally find punishing. It still feels like a punishment but it doesn't physically harm you and that's a good thing.
Also, important to remember, you don't really deserve to be punished for doing something wrong. Try to remind yourself of that. I'm still not great at remembering it for myself but it's something I'm trying to improve on.
It's a sense of wanting to get ahead of others. Punishing myself so no one else can.
I already see a therapist so I'm not sure what my GP can do.
I'm glad you're in a better place.