Feel like a bad person after the mistakes I’ve made

I’m not sure what to say to help because I am mixed on this. While I understand that you feel like you have gone too far with things but at the same time I know the feeling of having a bit of what people call an “obsession” with someone that you have a strong connection with. I have a strong emotional attachment to my best friend who I am currently staying with and being around him every day, getting to see him and talk with him, share things with him and everything makes me feel safe and secure in the world, the best way to describe it is like Linus in the Peanuts universe who is always seen with his blanket and his reactions to whenever the blanket is misplaced he feels very unsafe and insecure without it.

This is a trait commonly seen in Autistic children with their mothers, or in my case it was my grandmother when I was a child, and it is accepted and more understood when they are children but as soon as it’s an adult Autistic person having an attachment to another person, whether it is a friend or significant other, it is seen as creepy, obsessive, inappropriate, unhealthy and pretty much wrong in whatever way doesn’t fit the social “norm” or life and this has always bothered me because Autism and traits like that don’t just go away in adulthood, it’s just the Autistic person masking their Autistic traits and doing harm to themselves.

Yeah, my bond to this friend is the same bond that I had with my grandmother, I was always insecure and felt unsafe whenever I wasn’t near her and she didn’t mind, she didn’t see it as weird or anything bad, she accepted that it was just part of who I am and just let me do it. Now as an adult with my friend, everyone makes it this weird thing and a joke because I linger towards him whenever my anxiety is getting too much for me, like when I was at the reenactment I went to and the guns and cannons they were using were going off the noise was a lot for me, especially as we were very close and I had headphones and music on trying to drown it out but it got too much for me and I tried to get as close to my friend as possible to feel safe and secure and people think that’s just unnatural, weird and wrong but to me it’s like “I can’t help this, why am I villain for something that I can’t help because people can’t be understanding that he makes me feel safe and I am just trying to feel safe?”

It is like I have said before, it’s exhausting to be expected to mask about everything that makes you not yourself and be neurotypical when you’re not just to appease others. It shouldn’t matter what others think or feel, if my friend understands that I’m hovering close to him to feel safe and secure that’s all that should matter to anyone else and who gives a flying f*ck what everyone else thinks or feels?

Sorry for venting but this whole thing about Autistic adults having attachments to people and people not understanding how harmful and detrimental losing that person can be to an Autistic person just makes me sad because it shows just how bad and hypocritical things are when people are okay if it’s an Autistic child doing it but Autistic adults are expected to mask this.

I’m not sure what to say to help because I am mixed on this. While I understand that you feel like you have gone too far with things but at the same time I know the feeling of having a bit of what people call an “obsession” with someone that you have a strong connection with. I have a strong emotional attachment to my best friend who I am currently staying with and being around him every day, getting to see him and talk with him, share things with him and everything makes me feel safe and secure in the world, the best way to describe it is like Linus in the Peanuts universe who is always seen with his blanket and his reactions to whenever the blanket is misplaced he feels very unsafe and insecure without it.

This is a trait commonly seen in Autistic children with their mothers, or in my case it was my grandmother when I was a child, and it is accepted and more understood when they are children but as soon as it’s an adult Autistic person having an attachment to another person, whether it is a friend or significant other, it is seen as creepy, obsessive, inappropriate, unhealthy and pretty much wrong in whatever way doesn’t fit the social “norm” or life and this has always bothered me because Autism and traits like that don’t just go away in adulthood, it’s just the Autistic person masking their Autistic traits and doing harm to themselves.

Yeah, my bond to this friend is the same bond that I had with my grandmother, I was always insecure and felt unsafe whenever I wasn’t near her and she didn’t mind, she didn’t see it as weird or anything bad, she accepted that it was just part of who I am and just let me do it. Now as an adult with my friend, everyone makes it this weird thing and a joke because I linger towards him whenever my anxiety is getting too much for me, like when I was at the reenactment I went to and the guns and cannons they were using were going off the noise was a lot for me, especially as we were very close and I had headphones and music on trying to drown it out but it got too much for me and I tried to get as close to my friend as possible to feel safe and secure and people think that’s just unnatural, weird and wrong but to me it’s like “I can’t help this, why am I villain for something that I can’t help because people can’t be understanding that he makes me feel safe and I am just trying to feel safe?”

It is like I have said before, it’s exhausting to be expected to mask about everything that makes you not yourself and be neurotypical when you’re not just to appease others. It shouldn’t matter what others think or feel, if my friend understands that I’m hovering close to him to feel safe and secure that’s all that should matter to anyone else and who gives a flying f*ck what everyone else thinks or feels?

Sorry for venting but this whole thing about Autistic adults having attachments to people and people not understanding how harmful and detrimental losing that person can be to an Autistic person just makes me sad because it shows just how bad and hypocritical things are when people are okay if it’s an Autistic child doing it but Autistic adults are expected to mask this.