Published on 12, July, 2020
It's that time of year again - Christmas is over and now everyone who sent you a gift wants an essay in return about how it was just what you wanted and they couldn't have got you anything better. I've always hated writing these, but at least when I was little it was ok if I sounded stupid because pretty much everything you write or say when you're a child makes you cringe when you're older. But now it's so much harder because I feel I can't find the words that will make these people happy, and I hate it when I can't make people happy.
It all seems so fake. Last year my mum tried to tell me that when you send someone a thank you note they know you are grateful for what they sent. But that's a load of tosh. You'd still have to write one even if you hated the gift, and make out it was the best thing since sliced bread. So they still have no idea how you felt about it, but everyone seems to have convinced themselves that just because someone sends them a show-offy speech rather than just a plain 'thanks' that such a gift means the world to them.
And yet, as ridiculous as I think the whole business is, I get really anxious about coming up with something to say, even about the gifts that really are amazing. I have a list of email addresses so that I can email the few people I'm yet to thank, and I panic just looking at it. If I can't do it by the end of January, then it's probably too late, and then I'll feel like a really horrible person because I couldn't manage so much as a few sentences of gratitude. Since I'm 18, it's technically up to me whether I bother with them or not, but again, I'll hate myself if I don't, and these people will no doubt think me a spoilt, ungrateful brat. Part of me thinks it's not worth worrying about, but I also feel like I'm solely responsible for the happiness and wellbeing of everyone who sent me a gift.
Then there's the issue that I've already done a joint one with my sister to my nan, who has her heart set on disliking me and I feel like she deserves to be thanked least out of everyone. I did it for my sister's sake, not hers. On top of that there's the fuss my dad's family made about the fact that last year my mum made the decision to write a few of my thank you notes herself because I was getting too stressed. She didn't think anyone would know it wasn't my writing, but my nan did and we received an earful from my dad about it. The other people who got one of those notes might not have cared, but I still feel like they'll all hate me forever now.
And as if that wasn't bad enough, my birthday is fast approaching and I'll have to worry about it all again.
It is hard not to feel bad about something like this. My step-sisters all do the thank you card thing so I've got a few of these cards lying about from birthday presents I've given to my niece, but I honestly don't see the point in them at all because they all just go in the bin. I'll keep the occasional birthday/christmas card is it's particularly sentimental, but I don't understand the logic of thank you cards. I've got to that age now where I'm not forced to write these thank you notes anymore. I'm OK with sending a text now to keep people happy, because I understand that it is important to say thank you, but I just say I don't like wastefulness and I'd rather get a text than spend money for paper and postage and waste resources. That's my excuse anyway.
Exactly! You can't call it selfless giving if the only reason you give presents is for the thanks you'll receive. I personally couldn't care less if someone thanks me for a gift or not, I'd settle for a smile. They could send me a note saying, 'Yo, thanks for the pressie, innit' for all I care. The words 'thank you' are overrated. You can express gratitude in much more heartfelt ways than a silly little note, but no one seems to notice any of that until they hear the actual words.
I usually handle gifts of money by saying that I'll use it to treat myself. I probably will... in several years' time. But no one gave me money this Christmas. My nan usually does, but she gave me a purse this year. And the thank you note she sent was only addressed to my sister, when the present was from both of us. But my sister's more bothered about that than I am, I'm long used to the fact that that woman will always hate me.
My sons also hate writing thank you cards or phoning to say thanks. They have come to dread xmas and birthdays as it always follows the same format. Paternal side of family asks the children via email / text what they would like. If what they ask for is not what their relative approves of , then they either get something they don't want or in some instances they receive nothing. This last xmas my youngest received nothing from his father, but did get a note saying he was waiting for a thank you for the birthday present he sent. to date my son still hasn't received a xmas present, I think his dad is holding his xmas present "hostage" as it were until he gets his thank you.
Sadly the saying "the gift is in the giving" seems to be lost on many people.
Yeah, I know what you mean... I used to get money in cards when I was growing up, but after a certain age they'd be put in saving, or spent on something mundane like vets bills, but when you have to report back on it, everyone always wants to hear that you used it to treat yourself like buying chocolate or something and get disappointed to hear that their money was put to more sensible use.
I seem to recall my parents encouraging me to at least phone to say thankyou at some point but thankfully I was never really pushed into doing this because like you I didn't like it and am terrible at pretending to like something that I don't. I think the lack of response is the main reason why most of my extended relatives no longer send me anything.