How do I know if I’m masking?

I’m a woman in my 30s and haven’t yet been diagnosed, and only recently familiar with masking and what it is. The problem is, I feel I have been masking my entire life and now don’t know what I am masking and what is the real me. Any tips on how to work out what I am masking and what is the real me?

I score just over the threshold on the RAADS-R test and the AQ50. However score very high on a masking/camouflaging test. It also makes me wonder, am I actually autistic or am I looking for answers that aren’t there?

Parents
  • I think masking tends to be around anyone save for people really close to them, and includes altering near every aspect of themselves, from their mannerisms to their beliefs. From what i have heard others describe it tends to be fairly obvious when you are masking because you actively feel like you cant be yourself, have to be someone else, or are suppressing urges like stimming.

    It becomes an issue for people who never get to unmask. At least for me when I'm what i would call masking, i have like 50% of my thoughts dedicated to planning mannerisms and tone inflection, but when I'm around people I trust, or am otherwise comfortable in a social setting I don't think about anything other than whatever the convo is about. I've noticed as well after a lot of masking it generally leaves me feeling utterly exhausted, and then I need to rest to recover. It feels like I've had the flu when it gets like this.

Reply
  • I think masking tends to be around anyone save for people really close to them, and includes altering near every aspect of themselves, from their mannerisms to their beliefs. From what i have heard others describe it tends to be fairly obvious when you are masking because you actively feel like you cant be yourself, have to be someone else, or are suppressing urges like stimming.

    It becomes an issue for people who never get to unmask. At least for me when I'm what i would call masking, i have like 50% of my thoughts dedicated to planning mannerisms and tone inflection, but when I'm around people I trust, or am otherwise comfortable in a social setting I don't think about anything other than whatever the convo is about. I've noticed as well after a lot of masking it generally leaves me feeling utterly exhausted, and then I need to rest to recover. It feels like I've had the flu when it gets like this.

Children
No Data