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How do I know if I’m masking?

Rainbow

I’m a woman in my 30s and haven’t yet been diagnosed, and only recently familiar with masking and what it is. The problem is, I feel I have been masking my entire life and now don’t know what I am masking and what is the real me. Any tips on how to work out what I am masking and what is the real me?

I score just over the threshold on the RAADS-R test and the AQ50. However score very high on a masking/camouflaging test. It also makes me wonder, am I actually autistic or am I looking for answers that aren’t there?

Parents

  • I don't really know how I know if I'm masking. Usually I feel like I have been if I'm totally exhausted after going out and having to be social. Usually that leaves me with no energy and a wreck until I can sleep and then I think I've probably been masking.

    It sucks to have to mask to fit in but it's so necessary for me otherwise at school its complete judgement and bullying. The real me can only really surface when I'm in my comfort zone in my room.

  • in reply to Rain

    It's a long time ago but I remember school being tough. I was masking but wasn't aware that's what it was, or that I was autistic. I figured that out many years later.

    I do remember it being extremely hard at school but once I left it got a bit easier. Work life wasnt great at first but eventually I started to understand myself more and that helped.

    Like you say there's always an element of masking required, just be sure the effort it costs is worth it, don't waste time with the wrong crowd etc. save it for times that matter. Spending time with yourself is also good, if you don't withdraw too much. Back in the 80s a commodore 64 was my best friend for 70 percent the time I wasn't in school.

    There's lots of us out there and there's also other neuro types that have similar issues, even some NTs that have social anxiety that will relate. you'll eventually find people that you are more yourself around. At school everyone seems to be to the extreme, mostly because I bet they're masking and compensating too!

    Just make sure you put your own wellbeing first as much as you can.

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  • in reply to Rain

    It's a long time ago but I remember school being tough. I was masking but wasn't aware that's what it was, or that I was autistic. I figured that out many years later.

    I do remember it being extremely hard at school but once I left it got a bit easier. Work life wasnt great at first but eventually I started to understand myself more and that helped.

    Like you say there's always an element of masking required, just be sure the effort it costs is worth it, don't waste time with the wrong crowd etc. save it for times that matter. Spending time with yourself is also good, if you don't withdraw too much. Back in the 80s a commodore 64 was my best friend for 70 percent the time I wasn't in school.

    There's lots of us out there and there's also other neuro types that have similar issues, even some NTs that have social anxiety that will relate. you'll eventually find people that you are more yourself around. At school everyone seems to be to the extreme, mostly because I bet they're masking and compensating too!

    Just make sure you put your own wellbeing first as much as you can.

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