Friends

i think i made friends at work... one of them my indian process lead confirmed it by saying im his favourite and he likes me best here so i think hes my friend.

but thats the thing its hard to understand what a friend is at times. i can talk and be cool with everyone and think they are friends and they may not be for all i know. this is what got me when i was in school, i ended up thinking some lads where my friend and that didnt turn well as turned out they was actually bullies and didnt like me. so i find it hard understanding who is a friend or not. it did help my process lead said im his favourite so that made it easier to understand.

but others, i dunno. i think its because i dont talk much, and i kinda just am the weird one that does jokes and makes noises lol not much conversationalist. so then you just get sidelined and you see everyone else talk and develop deep relations while your just there... unsure if your friend, unsure where you stand, cant talk to anyone and no one can talk to you. feeling left out and ignored, not liked.

although that last bit i think is mixed... talk can happen but it takes time, is situational... like the indian guy and his wife even i talk to alot as i like to ask about their culture and compare it to the uk. i tried some of their spicy snacks they have too.... i guess maybe if theres something interesting or unknown to me i can probably talk by curiosity like that then.

I think online communities like this one can make things more tolerable though.

Sorry to read this.

I can't watch the video as I don't have the tech to do so, but I do have problems making and keeping friends and it is harder as you get older, I think it's because you have less opportunities to meet people, no school, college etc.

I identify with most of that and sadly it only gets more difficult as we get older.