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Old age hitting hard.

John R

Where do I start? Soon to be 67. . Recently diagnosed ADHD and Autism. NT partner 74. Been together 30+ years. Thought all our problems might get resolved with diagnosis.

Not so. Partner feels hopeless. Alone. Isolated. She can't see me ever changing. Before diagnosis she had hope that I could. She feels her life with me has been wasted. She hones in on my every 'mistake' and blames Autism. "You're the autistic one" is being said more and more.

What is so sad is that she is a truly good person becoming sad, scared and bitter.

Parents

  • These may be feeIngs your partner has been holding close to her chest for some time and has had no way to express to you in a way you could hear.

    She is, most likely, not a scholar in the subject and is in over her head.

    What financial security does she have apart from you?

    Does she have financial independence?

    Or may she not have worked at a paying job and managed your household instead?

    That is a job that is just as hard but is not calculated as income toward credit in the pensioner years of life.

    She may not be able to articulate this in her own mind yet and may just be feeling like the rug, indeed the floor is gone from under her.

    This is a straight on conversation - financial independence - that will clear up a great deal of confusion for both of you and hard truths may emerge. 

    Face them and emerge from this as equals.

Reply

  • These may be feeIngs your partner has been holding close to her chest for some time and has had no way to express to you in a way you could hear.

    She is, most likely, not a scholar in the subject and is in over her head.

    What financial security does she have apart from you?

    Does she have financial independence?

    Or may she not have worked at a paying job and managed your household instead?

    That is a job that is just as hard but is not calculated as income toward credit in the pensioner years of life.

    She may not be able to articulate this in her own mind yet and may just be feeling like the rug, indeed the floor is gone from under her.

    This is a straight on conversation - financial independence - that will clear up a great deal of confusion for both of you and hard truths may emerge. 

    Face them and emerge from this as equals.

Children
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