Old age hitting hard.

Sorry to hear that. I'm lucky to be in a good long term relationship (over 40 years) where we do our best to support and compromise with each other, so I feel for you both not having that close bond at the moment. However, you don't say what the problems are or how long they have been going on for, so it's difficult to give useful advice.

You describe your partner as someone who feels alone, isolated, sad, scared, bitter and is blaming your relationship problems onto you being autistic. 

I don't understand why she wants or expects you to change now after 30 years. You are still the same person after diagnosis that you were before. Perhaps she doesn't understand what autism truly is, and is under the misapprehension that it can be "cured" or that now you know why you behave like you do, she thinks you can be trained to act differently. Also I'm wondering why she feels alone and isolated - is that because she has no other friends or family? 

It may be that your partner is suffering from depression. Only you can guess how serious that is - so it will be up to you to judge whether to suggest that she sees her GP, seeks counselling or does other things to lift her mood, like taking walks in nature and joining a club or group that interests her.

You don't say how you are feeling after your diagnosis, and you refer to your "mistakes". Please understand this - behaving in a way consistent with autism is NOT "a mistake" . Do not blame yourself for this situation. You can discuss what you do that upsets her and why, but she will need to compromise with you too and not expect you to change completely.

I wish you both all the best.

Sorry to hear that. I'm lucky to be in a good long term relationship (over 40 years) where we do our best to support and compromise with each other, so I feel for you both not having that close bond at the moment. However, you don't say what the problems are or how long they have been going on for, so it's difficult to give useful advice.

You describe your partner as someone who feels alone, isolated, sad, scared, bitter and is blaming your relationship problems onto you being autistic. 

I don't understand why she wants or expects you to change now after 30 years. You are still the same person after diagnosis that you were before. Perhaps she doesn't understand what autism truly is, and is under the misapprehension that it can be "cured" or that now you know why you behave like you do, she thinks you can be trained to act differently. Also I'm wondering why she feels alone and isolated - is that because she has no other friends or family? 

It may be that your partner is suffering from depression. Only you can guess how serious that is - so it will be up to you to judge whether to suggest that she sees her GP, seeks counselling or does other things to lift her mood, like taking walks in nature and joining a club or group that interests her.

You don't say how you are feeling after your diagnosis, and you refer to your "mistakes". Please understand this - behaving in a way consistent with autism is NOT "a mistake" . Do not blame yourself for this situation. You can discuss what you do that upsets her and why, but she will need to compromise with you too and not expect you to change completely.

I wish you both all the best.

Thank you so much for your thoughts. I know I haven't explained to the full my situation but what you have offered does help. Thanks again.