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Does Anyone Else Always Say Sorry or Is It Just Me?

enflores3000

For years I have had this habit whenever I feel like I have done something wrong that I just say sorry no matter what it is. I have CPTSD as I have dealt with trauma since my childhood, my father was physically abusive to my mother and my brother is physically and mentally handicapped because of it, my father blames me to this day for my brother, when I was 5 I was SAed by my 13 year old neighbor and he told my grandmother that it was my idea and she whipped me for it severely and my first relationship I was domestically abused, r*ped and blamed for it. All my life my mother used my diagnosis against me to invalidate my feelings whenever I was upset and constantly pushed me into sensory overloads and would always tell me that I don’t understand social “norms” and that I needed to accept things that were hurting me. I put all this out here because I know that a lot of this plays a role in why I constantly apologize for things but I have wondered if other Autistics who haven’t been through what I have have a habitual habit of apologizing for things or is it just me?

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  • When you're constantly told you're wrong then what else would you do but appologise?

    I think part of it is the trauma you've suffered, part of it is being British, we appologise for everything, I've walked into a lamp post and appologised to it, I also thank ATM's for giving me my money.

    I think you should see a therapist if you're not already doing so, these things are like a splinter thats worked its way under your skin and turned into a boil, you need to lance the boil and let all the bad stuff and extract the splinter, in order to heal. There may be a lot of splinters too.

  • in reply to TheCatWoman

    The worst part is the Autism making the trauma 10 times worse. I‘ve worked through a lot of my childhood trauma but my mother was the worst of it all and anytime I get traumatized and then it’s just neurotypicals with their lack of communication like I am some mind reader who can’t tell if I’ve upset them or not because they just don’t say and I automatically assume that I have said something wrong and upset them and apologize because I am so use to that being the case it’s really all I know.

  • in reply to enflores3000

    Is our trauma really worse? I don't say this to belittle what anyone has gone through, but as a former counsellor I find things like this a difficult idea.

    Who decided that people with Autism feel things more intensly?

    Do people with Autism experience their emotions more fully?

    Are many NT's emotionally blunted?

    Those are the first questions that spring to mind, people experience some horrible stuff, the stuff of nightmares, stuff that makes you question what being human means. People recover from stuff like this, you can't make it like it's never happened, but you can help someone come to a place where they accept it and can say, 'this happened in the past, but I don't live there anymore'. Some people are emotionally blunted, some seem to have alwways been this way, but I often wonder if this isn't a mask and inside they're really screaming? If they've always been this way then whats going on in their brains?

    As well as Autism I have PTSD and have had for most of my life, due to various ongong childhood trauma's, but the more I've explored it and spoken to some other PTSD survivors th more I've come to think that its the people who see a massive emotional response to trauma as a bad thing who are actually wrong. I also wonder if at some point in our evolution we weren't all more tuned in to our surroundings, that all the things that we see out of the corners of our eyes, the senses that extend beyond that that many seem to experience is/was normal? I wonder how well our species would have survived if we weren't all this aware? What's wrong with being fully aware and why is it discouraged, what are people afraid they'll find?

  • in reply to TheCatWoman
    TheCatWoman said:
    Who decided that people with Autism feel things more intensly?

    There is a faiily widespread agreement for this amongst therapists but it is more nuanced than this - it is more considered that many autists struggle to connect to their emotions (Alexithymia) but the emotions which the are able to connect with more easily (fear and anger being the primary ones) are heightened, and the poor emtional regulation that normally accompanies alexithymia results in more extreme exhibitions of the related behaviors.

    Not all autists exhibit alexithymia but from what I have read on this discussion forum over the last few years, it is remarkably common.

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  • in reply to TheCatWoman
    TheCatWoman said:
    Who decided that people with Autism feel things more intensly?

    There is a faiily widespread agreement for this amongst therapists but it is more nuanced than this - it is more considered that many autists struggle to connect to their emotions (Alexithymia) but the emotions which the are able to connect with more easily (fear and anger being the primary ones) are heightened, and the poor emtional regulation that normally accompanies alexithymia results in more extreme exhibitions of the related behaviors.

    Not all autists exhibit alexithymia but from what I have read on this discussion forum over the last few years, it is remarkably common.

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