Healthy outlook > Mortality

Typo - "I really struggle with the "D word""

Typo - "I really struggle with the "D word""

I am not sure whether or not being Autistic makes a difference about attitudes to the "D-Word".  I do not profess to be "Autistic Expert".  All I can reflect upon is what would it take for me to talk with someone about this topic.  (By the way, I am not saying that I have "finished" mulling over the "D-Word" to the fullest extent ...but I think that I did have quite an early years head start in this arena).  That is what I shall try to describe.

What I can imagine is that Autistic folk might tend to be more direct, enquiring and inclined to be pragmatic on this topic, often at an earlier age than others.  This outlook might mean we do not come across as subscribing as strongly to the traditional taboos which surround the "D-word" subject matter.

If so, maybe, we are inclined to be those rarer people in society; the ones who are less likely to cross the road to avoid risking saying the "wrong" thing to somebody we are aware have been recently bereaved?

for instance, having lived in a couple of non-European countries; I found that I was at ease with the more direct approach shown by those communities towards the "D-word".  I respected those communites for being more likely to say what they needed people to know (low use of "D-word" euphemisms) to highlight the support they would welcome, to include and by fully supported by their wider community as a natural assumption.  (I am not so confident the non-Autistic members of my family experience that same "at ease").

Your post reminded me of a Victorian childrens' book which an older relative gave to me when I was ...maybe 7 years old? 

It addressed explaining the "D-Wrod" (Victorian, Christian perspective) to a child audience.  I wonder, as an adult, what prompted them - why they chose to give me the book at that age.  There was no fuss or introduction made as they handed the book.  It was not in the context of anyone I knew being ill at the time (nor anyone I knew having fully explored the "D-Word" around that time). 

I think it was merely a rare pragmatic adult, taking the trouble to notice how direct my own World, outlook and use of language was already naturally set.  Having reviewed the text of the book as adult; I think they had found and shared a highly appropriate match - the style of the story, the directness of the child main character's mode of language and manners etc.   

They knew my nuclear family were raising me in the Church of England tradition.  However, I do not recall (and I generally can rely on my recall, certainly of 3 or 4 years old onwards) my having raised related "D-Word" questions with my parents, other older relatives or teachers.

My feeling at the time (quite straightforwardly, not of strong emotion), as I read the book to myself while at their house, was that the relative giving me the book believed in children having important information (like the "D-Word" exposure, before it was a surprise encounter among people I loved.  That the natural order of things should be pondered upon (before a pet were to demonstrate the "D-Word".  That I should be able to derive comfort from an early age of having carefully explained to me what to expect in our family's / cultural / religious traditions if somebody I knew were to illuminate the complete process surrounding the "D-Word".

At the time I remember drawing comfort from the aspect of the little hardback's story showing that young or old, rich or poor ...all find the concept a bit of a puzzle, not an easy conept, and that a range of strong emotions were to be expected (and that each person might well react / behave uniquely on this subject).

I liked the story's grounding / relatability to the natural World.  Not so sure I quite grasped (at the time) the spiritual elements (it didn't scare me though - there was just enough information to give it a context within other things I already understood about Church).  But it was reassuring to be able to consider the recollection / understanding of that book's treatment of the themes of the "D-word" ...as the prospect of needing to think more about the subject as I real World experiences were to cross my path.

My summary, having read the story as a child, was that I felt good about the fact the older relative had respected me enough to find something suitable for me to digest on the "D-Word" (maybe not all children of similar age).  I knew they were (silently) signalling to me that if I were to have "tough subject" worries or questions - they were available to field those areas of life (if and when I might need to do so). 

Also, the style of the story made it clear to me that I did not need to concern myself about stepping around euphemisms - the older relative was prepared to talk to me straight about real things.

Certainly, for me,  (maybe particularly for Autistic me?) that was a really important thing to understand and about which to feel confident. 

By opening the (silent) conversation via a book with no fuss - I knew that I did not need to discuss anything there and then necessarily, and yet they had (by their actions) also ensured I knew the "I have a question" door was definetely left ajar - where I knew how to find it as necessary as a "safe space".  (By that example being set for me, I have tried my best to pay that forwards to other people at different points in their life, particularly if someone is young / young at heart).

I am not going to include a link here to story (because if you happened not to be in the right frame of mind and just jumped to the link on autopilot - without giving it too much prior consideration - that potentially would neither be kind nor fair - also there are different religious / cultural / mental health perspectives to consider).

However, the little Victorian story book is now available, for free, as a PDF online.  Therefore, if you are curious, and in the right space and place in yourself - I think you would be able to use the following information in an internet search and judge for yourself what was helpful in setting the "D-Word" scene for the young child (Autistic) me:

Little Dot by Mrs. O. F. Walton. [London]: The Religious Tract Society, [1873]