Taking a compliment

I was suspicious of complements as a child right on up through college. They brought the focus on me and I felt vulnerable to attack for the attention from others who did not get one. They left me feeling like I would be made to live up to the complement: a threat to me independence. Also, being a female born to the culture of the 1950s a complement from a male and about my attributes spelt danger and would make me fearful. Also, growing up with narcissists, I was suspicious of complements for the abuse they were intended to soften me up for. I've moved away from toxic relations to healthier ones, now. A few years of earnest therapy does wonders.

Now I have found a way to rethink it all so it feels good now. It's a gift. plain and simple. I detach it from the giver and make it mine. No strings attached. Even if it's unwanted or even if it's criticism couched in a complement, I say "oh thanks."  some folks are sincerely trying to show appreciation and offer positive thoughts, feeling good about me and mine. Some are not. Even if can't tell the difference I still thank them and, if needs be, reinterpret it to mean something positive. I feel oh I got a little gift., lovely, "thanks!"

Inappropriate "complements" are another thing. Those I simply refuse to have even heard. 

I was suspicious of complements as a child right on up through college. They brought the focus on me and I felt vulnerable to attack for the attention from others who did not get one. They left me feeling like I would be made to live up to the complement: a threat to me independence. Also, being a female born to the culture of the 1950s a complement from a male and about my attributes spelt danger and would make me fearful. Also, growing up with narcissists, I was suspicious of complements for the abuse they were intended to soften me up for. I've moved away from toxic relations to healthier ones, now. A few years of earnest therapy does wonders.

Now I have found a way to rethink it all so it feels good now. It's a gift. plain and simple. I detach it from the giver and make it mine. No strings attached. Even if it's unwanted or even if it's criticism couched in a complement, I say "oh thanks."  some folks are sincerely trying to show appreciation and offer positive thoughts, feeling good about me and mine. Some are not. Even if can't tell the difference I still thank them and, if needs be, reinterpret it to mean something positive. I feel oh I got a little gift., lovely, "thanks!"

Inappropriate "complements" are another thing. Those I simply refuse to have even heard.