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Conversations in your head

pdaddio83
6 months ago

I'm suspecting I am on the autism spectrum, because my daughter is, and understanding her needs made me realise a lot more about myself seeming very similar. So I've been thinking a lot about what I actually do and how it wasn't as "normal" as I thought. One thing I do is basically have conversations in my head a lot, like I'm trying to imagine what the confident, neurotypical version of me would be like, does anyone else do this?

To explain further, here is what I mean. Depending on who I want to talk to, I'll feel different levels of anxiety - the more familiar I am with someone, the less anxious I'll be. But every time I will still follow this pattern:

  1. Before speaking - I'll map out the conversation in my head. In the past I would used to imagine both sides of the conversation (particularly with phone calls, I hate talking on the phone), but realised this was ridiculous because I can't foresee every possibility and I would just put it off. So I learned to at least think of the first thing I would say, then just have to push past any fear I had to carry on.
  2. During the conversation - I'm trying to focus on what the other person is saying, but also getting distracted by my own thoughts. Am I looking into their eyes too much (or not enough) is one thing I focus on. Sometimes they'll say something and I'll continue from that point in my head while they continue out loud. Eventually I'm focusing on my own internal conversation plus their external one, meaning I'm keeping track of too many things and getting distracted, then worrying if I'm paying enough attention to the other person.
  3. After speaking - then I'll dwell on speaking with that person long after it has finished. It doesn't matter if I felt it went well or not, either way I just replay that conversation in my head over and over again (which is better if it went well, it makes me feel better about myself).

I just don't imagine a neurotypical person doing any of this.

Parents
  • 6 months ago

    Unlike yourself, I seldom map out conversations in my head due to it being impossible to predict the direction a conversation will take. The exception tends to be when I need to say something to someone that I fear may upset or anger them, in which case I will spend time thinking about how best to phrase it.

    Like you, I can get distracted by my own thoughts during conversations. I think this is something that neurotypical people may possibly do as well though.

    After a conversation has ended, I often find myself replaying it in my head too (the bits of it that I am still able to remember). In my case, it can often be an automatic thing, rather than because I actively want to replay those conversations.

Reply
  • 6 months ago

    Unlike yourself, I seldom map out conversations in my head due to it being impossible to predict the direction a conversation will take. The exception tends to be when I need to say something to someone that I fear may upset or anger them, in which case I will spend time thinking about how best to phrase it.

    Like you, I can get distracted by my own thoughts during conversations. I think this is something that neurotypical people may possibly do as well though.

    After a conversation has ended, I often find myself replaying it in my head too (the bits of it that I am still able to remember). In my case, it can often be an automatic thing, rather than because I actively want to replay those conversations.

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