Published on 12, July, 2020
I am part of a group of 4 heterosexual couples and today I discovered the other 3 men, I have known for about 10 years, went to watch the Rugby in France this weekend. It was never mentioned to me, and it has triggered so many childhood traumas of being excluded by those you are supposed to be close to.
I don't really know hope to cope with this, all the feelings of failure have hit me hard, and I am in my 60s. I just feel so broken tonight and want to shut myself away from the world. I want to end my relationship with my partner to avoid ever seeing these people again. Am I being irrational?
Yep you are being "irrational", but no one should blame you.
"Friends" is a fictional & scripted T.V. series, real frinedships as your post indicates adn my life experiences tells me are more limited in their abilty to stand each otehrs company all the time and in all situations.
Certainly NONE of my own friendships have ever been with people who perfectly accept all of me.
Autism is a social disabilty too, by some standards here it would appear that you are a very lucky man about to discard his luck on a whim!
May I cautiously suggest that deleting your friends and partner who youve been happy (-Ish, no Autist is ever really happy for long!) is cutting your nose off to spite your face?
Of all the replies I've read, Iains looks the most "viable".
BUT, opening this "can of worms" will possibly (not definitely) reveal the truth that your partners friends like your partner way more than they like you, which is by no means unusual or restricted to Autistic people.
I personally manage this quandary by mainly attending social events where I KNOW I make a decent contribution, (or at least enjoy myself).
As I have got older I have got less tolerant of other peoples crap, again perfectly normal, and the reason why older people have less friends than young people.
Friendships are WAY more fragile than people crack on, and keeping them going for decade up on decade is very difficult indeed. I LIKE my friendships and enjoy them, but it's a bit like gardening, a skill that for a few people comes naturally, but the rest of us need to read a few books and talk to other gardeners and work at it!. But just because your "rugby trip plants" failed to sprout, is probably not a good reason to bulldose the whole garden...