Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi,
So I was only officially diagnosed with Autism 3 weeks ago and I'm 34. In all honesty, I don't know how I feel about it all. I guess I knew that would be the diagnosis so it didn't come as a surprise but I still don't know how I actually feel about it.... I kind of think 'it is what it is'. My Mum has said she guessed I may have autism when I was young but no doctors, school, etc picked it up.
But the reason I started this discussion is because earlier this evening my mum told me, when I asked, that yes she'd told her closest friends about my autism diagnosis. Only thing is a few of her closest friends happen to be the mums of my friends. So there's a good chance those friends have now told their daughters/sons (my friends) about my diagnosis. My mum also told me and the rest of the family that she'd had a bad health diagnosis herself and needs surgery for it soon. And I feel like that news hasn't really set in yet - my siblings, Nan and uncle were in tears but I just don't feel anything really yet.
But what I do feel, is annoyed. Because if I went to my friend (who I'm seeing tomorrow) and told her about my mum's diagnosis and then she went home and told her mum (my mum's friend) before my mum had had a chance to tell her friend herself, she would be sooo angry and upset about it. And yet my mum has told her friends about my autism diagnosis, not thinking 'oh they might well tell their daughters/sons who are my daughter's friends' - I just feel like my autism diagnosis is my news to tell my friends if I wish to. And it just angers me that my mum has openly discussed my diagnosis with her friends and yet she tells me not to discuss her diagnosis with my friends. And I tried to bring this point up with my mum a couple of times and each time she's said 'I'm not having this discussion'. I know I should be worrying and reacting to my mum's news at the moment and not thinking about myself. but I just can't help feeling sooo annoyed about this.
Am I being unfair about this?
Hey there
Just from an outsider’s point of view maybe your mum having the stress of her own health needed to confide in someone, just to off load?? I know it’s hard to understand as we think everything through to the letter as this is how our brains function but that is not the Nt way really. You are well within your rights to be upset but I’m just trying to let you see it from a different perspective. I am undiagnosed as yet and asked my mum if she could think back to when I was young and write down anything relevant for my information gathering, she replied by saying that it was a long time ago and she can’t remember. It has gutted me really and I’ve taken it as she doesn’t believe me. I’m guessing she just doesn’t even begin to understand how much of a big deal this can be for us iin order to try and piece everything together. Nt people think very differently to us and I think we need to understand that we don’t see things the same a lot of the time. Maybe it’s all just down to bad timing but I’m sure you can sort this out. I have only told 2 people and I found it to be a very strange conversation. Look at it this way so potentially some of your friends might know, this will be the ultimate test of your friendship and at least you will know how they feel about it. you have a diagnosis and you know who you are, be proud of it.
Good luck