Published on 12, July, 2020
Are things better? Yes. I've lost weight, I got a stylish haircut, I comb my hair every day, have baths more regularly and use deodorant every day, have more new clothes, I shaved off an unkempt beard, I eat more freshly prepared meals, relations are less strained with my parents, I'm less depressed than I was, I have more energy to do things and enjoy hobbies I'd stopped enjoying like reading, watching TV and doing research.
However, I'm lonely. I know alcohol isn't the answer. I will no longer make excuses about how alcohol can fix things, it will not. I've joined a new National Autistic Society social group where I live and will keep going, hoping for the best. I've only been once and only two other Autistic people attended, there were two people running it as well (it's possible they were Autistic too, for all I know).
On the bright side, three women in local supermarkets I shop at have complimented me on my appearance, one of them said I looked like I've had a makeover, another said I am looking really good and she could hardly believe I was the same person. There's also a man I know who had chatted to me a few times when I was a drunk and he saw the new me and was taken aback and asked me if he could have a selfie with me.
I still have severe anxiety and struggle to demonstrate empathy for others. I'm still finding it hard to make conversation with people and it is often stilted and terse.
Two positive things, the next time I go to the GP, they can not dismiss any of my problems based on alcoholism as that will no longer be relevant, and social services had told me if I got sober they would be looking into giving me one-to-one support so that could be in the pipeline, I asked my social worker at the last meeting and he said I need to be sober for a bit longer first.
Hey, first of all well done! It isn't easy.
I have recently stopped drinking (just over amonth ago now) after a particular incident with a friend where I really hurt them. I came to the conclusion before that that I am probably autistic and booked in an assessment. Going up to when I I stopped drinking, I was drinking more after booking the assesment and being stressed out about it, which ia when the thing with my friend happened.
I had my assesment the weekend just gone and found out that I am definitely autistic. It's not a surprise but explains how I was using alcohol to mask who I really am and am now struggling a bit with figuring that out.
As everything is so new, I haven't been to my GP to see what help I can access through them (private diagnosis because of the stupid long lists) so will be doing this once I have everything and have read it all and processed it.
I hope you manage to get the help you need!