Published on 12, July, 2020
I’m sure nobody likes conflict but I feel that as an autistic person it’s something I handle particularly badly. I get into a panicky state and I am quick to apologise, even over-apologise, whether I am in the wrong or not. I become overwhelmed with guilt and self-hate. The last conflict I led me to experiencing signs of (passive) suicide ideation as I felt so bad about myself. I won’t call out the other person’s behaviour as I just want to “fix” the situation as quickly as possible. Instead I roll over for them and allow them to walk all over me. I really hate that I’m like this, it makes me feel so weak and pathetic.
well i dunno i think anyone starting conflict with me gets the worst end of it so on my end it isnt really bad, its bad on whoevers end that starts with me. theres no in between with me, by defaul you get friendly funny guy. but if conflict starts and i see it then it just flips to kill or be killed and i go all out on everything. i dont lose, and if the other person thinks they won they fail to realise its a protracted battle and ongoing until i win lol theres no subtle with me, if i detect any subtle insult at all my mind makes it not subtle but very loud and offensive and requires me to put them down and underneath me for any subtle comment that seems they are putting me beneath them. either way its not wise to have conflict with me. but its very easy to keep me the funny childish guy...
ofcourse a issue comes when people dont like any perceived childishness, then demand seriousness then i comply and give them serious but my serious is not something they like one bit as its factual by the way and logic and if they are in the wrong in any way it will come down on them like a falling building, such as my neighbours who claimed i was being childish when i tried to break up their argument they was having by adding funny to it to bright up the mood which they turned on me then and called me childish and told me to be serious... so i was serious and brought the rule of law and the building and pointed out how they are all against the rules and they took offence at multiple points as i brought up many rule breaks they are doing such as smoking in the building which isnt allowed and one guy taking drugs, and how making noise after 11 is actually not allowed by lease but also illegal by local council laws, so they all turned on me then... so i then reminded them of another fact, they are tenants and i am a owner and i threatened to evict them all lol ....they should have just stuck with my fun childish brighten up the mood act and accepted that no? but they demanded serious so they got it