Published on 12, July, 2020
I am a 39 year old Male, newly diagnosed and struggling with the official diagnosis and looking for support and to sharing stories with others.
I have long thought that I was autistic and have after years of waiting, had a a formal diagnosis, but this has turned up all manner of feelings which I didn't expect.
I always thought this would bring validation, but now I feel lost and like I have wronged everyone and should be apologizing to everyone. I also don't want to disclose to anyone, but the only thing I can think of during every conversation is that I have autism and to tell the person.
I have a job and a wife and have read so many things in this last weeks, but I am struggling with being my old self, let alone unmasking.
Does anyone have advice as to how they have managed after a diagnosis and disclosure to people.
I'm most anxious about disclosures to work and controlling who knows.
I don't want an excuse, or people talking about it, pointing it out, pandering to me or giving sympathy, asking me to take a break, any of it.
I'm in a similar boat - 35, job, Wife, recent diagnosis.
In regards to the work side of things, I was quite lucky as I'm the second person in the company with a diagnosis as an adult so the path was already trodden, so to speak. My manager was very supportive, but I asked him to keep it quiet for the time being, especially from HR. Although well-meaning, the HR staff where I work are a bit "Awww, are you OK?" and I think my reply would land me a disciplinary! I'm still figuring things out and don't need that kind of fuss.
So far, what's worked for me is to tell people on a need-to-know basis. Like you, I didn't pursue a diagnosis to use it as an excuse for anything - I wanted to know what I was dealing with so I could begin to learn how to deal with life better. I don't see my ASD as an identity, nor am I ashamed of it, but if I'm going to be working with someone I like to let them know about it upfront so they don't get bamboozled when they witness my "quirks"!
Good luck with everything