Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi,
I don’t know where else to post this…I just thought I would see what everyone would say and make me feel less alone.
For the last year my family dynamics have changed. My brother used to live here and always have arguments with my dad as well as sticking up for my mum. With me being autistic I didn’t notice all this is happening. I heard the arguments but didn’t know why it was all happening.
Well my brother and his boyfriend moved into their own place in August or September 2023. And since then I have being having arguments with my dad. When I spoke to my mum she said this has always happened and because of the way I am I just didn’t realise.
My dad…I think he is old fashioned. Ever since realising how he real is and discussing everything with my mum and talking to other people…there has been people saying it’s just old age. But according to my mum, my dad has always been like this since she has been with him. She even said if she knew he was going to be like this, she wouldn’t of married him.
There are probably a lot more examples but I can’t think from the top of my head. My mum would like to maybe divorce him and get a place for me and her, but she has no money. Literally she gets just carers allowance (because she is my dad’s carer) which is the littlest amount and that goes on her bills.
I would look for a place for me and my mum but my mum said she won’t leave until she has money of her own. I have said that as long as I have some money and we move out together, then she can go on Universal Credit and have her own money.
Sorry for the long post, I just don’t know who to turn to. I love my dad so much but after realising last year I just feel drained, annoyed and frustrated. I also feel lost, alone and hopeless for my mum too.
I would confront my dad but he has anger management problems and will literally bite my head off or throw me out. I just wish that I have won the lottery or something and help my mum out, but there is nothing I can do.
My parents have been together 32 years and married 30 years in June. Maybe it’s just old age and because he is getting worst he is just taking it out on us ♀️ I don’t know. Thank you for reading in advance x
@4:16
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uRMhS6oeehY&ab_channel=MedCircle
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/narcissism-demystified/202003/15-ways-being-raised-narcissist-can-affect-you
https://psychcentral.com/disorders/narcissistic-personality-disorder/symptoms#manipulation
I’m not sure if my dad is autistic or not and I doubt he would be bothered to be tested if he is autistic x
I’m not sure about therapy (my dad won’t even stick with his currently therapist)
As for my mum getting a part-time job, my mum is a carer for my dad x
have you considered your dad maybe autistic or have some mental issue?because this is the same with my dad... my dad always argued with me for the sake of arguing and picked fights. i also noted many autistic traits in him especially more so now i know what to look for and we had a family event with his distant relatives and he was more to himself and quiet.i think you may find your dad is perhaps autistic or something, and that your autism comes from his side of the family.
Can your mum and dad do therapy? are there any free services locally?
Can you mum get a part time job?
I’ve never really heard of that before I have looked up what you said and I still don’t understand it x
My mum would split from him if she could, but she literally has no money to leave him x
If he persistently does this and when challenged isn't willing to change, he's a bully. I hope your mother is wise enough to split up with him
Sounds like a garden variety narcissist, the kind that uses illness and self pity.
Read up on that and see if it fits. I hope you can find a situation for
yourselves that suits and gets you out of (Psychic) harms way.