Published on 12, July, 2020
I think its cruel to live a life and struggle not Knowing that your Autistic (and ADHD). Struggling with relationships, employment, school, mental health etc. and not able to make sense of it. I describe it as pulling a double decker bus all my life. I have been vulnerable and at risk and i didnt know it. So when someone says you dont look autustic ir your not autustic, i want to hit them. Denying us the right to make sense of it is horrible. Some one said last week, your just different, i replied, no your just different. I was embrassing my quirky lovely self, but now i dont feel the same. X
I think they are just confused and ignorant. I spent my life masking. I have pushed my autism and emotions down to such a degree that I have never felt the emotion 'happy' or felt loved or even liked .... At 50 I am trying to get diagnosed and am doing therapy. My knowledge that I am autistic is not beholden to the opinions of others - even the medical community have shown themselves to be massively ignorant, incompetent and arrogant.
Until such time that society and the medical community are able to offer competent diagnoses quickly, you are perfectly entitled to self-diagnose - you likely know more about autism then 99.99% of doctors by this point anyway.
Tulip52 said:Denying us the right to make sense of it is horrible
I don't see them denying you anything to be honest. Nobody is stopping you from being what you want to be (ie being authentic) or finding out what you want to find out.
They say you are presenting as neurotypical which is what we instinctively try to do through masking - a perfectly natural defence mechanism.
Take it as a compliment that you have the ability to blend in with your environment and can use an acting ability that they probably lack. They are the ones lacking in understanding of our condition.
Making sense of it is down to you to sort out, not rely on someone else to do for you, so read up on it, chase your GP for a diagnosis if required and take on the challenges.
Hating those less informed than you is not going to get you anywhere other than wound up, so don't own that pain - let it go and use your energies for something more positive.