Published on 12, July, 2020
I had my annual performance review at work this week. I had been concerned that I was under performing. I am in the maximum possible grade in a very complex and ridiculously highly paid job, but I’m only productive for a few hours per week and have felt vulnerable for a while now. But my boss told me that I am “exceptional” and that the executive leadership team have awarded me an exceptional pay rise as a result.
But I feel like I am barely functioning. I have no social network, no family. Today someone at work asked me why I was impersonating a T rex. I realised I was holding my arms and hands in a way I thought I only did when I’m alone.
I’m a complete mess but the people around me seem to think I’m thriving.
Life just seems like one big elaborate game. Nothing is real.
Am I the only person who feels like this?
Well congratulations on your achievements. Sounds like you dint know how good you are. I seem to make an impression on people that i meet and it suprises me, because my head is a mess and i lack confidence.
Thanks Tulip.
I wasn’t boasting. The opposite. I am struggling terribly but nobody seems to notice.
Maybe we’re so focussed on what’s happening inside our own heads that we don’t realise how other people see us.