Published on 12, July, 2020
I have reached the lowest of the low and I feel like what is the point. I have tried telling Rikki how I feel and what I need in life. All I want in life is a friend I can eat junk food with to snuge up to if I’m feeling low a shoulder to cry on when I need it but Rikki doesn’t understand the bond between us is unreal we have both been there for each other after my mum died he was there after s heart attack and open heart surgery I was there for him and when I’ve had my low moments he been there. Two autistic adults there for one another but recently that hasn’t happened today I thought unblocked me we can speak only for me to *** things up again and he does block me again. He says my behaviour is toxic but I don’t mean it to be just need a friend I can snuggle up to a shoulder tcry on and a friend I can eat junk food with to make me feel better but Rikki can’t see that at the moment how can I help him see it? How can I help him understand?
After spending time away from the bottle and by ringing the Samaritans lost count how many times I realise that I have been overwhelming Rikki a lot and he needs time away from me. I have been putting pressure on him that he doesn’t need right now and this explains why I’ve been making things worse when I’ve tried to make things get better again.