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Sexual desire and Aspergers - Pon Farr?

MichaelaS

I wonder if anyone else experiences what I seem to, and whether this is common for ASD people and especially Aspir women...

I seem to go months or years when I have little or no sexual desire at all. Then suddenly I have a few months where I am very interested. my poor husband finds it very confusing but it's how I've always been since puberty.  I can best explain it as being like the vulcans Pon Farr except of course I dont die if I can't mate! It is often tied to physical reproductive fitness, ie when I stopped *** feeding my son the next month I had one of my "on" phases. Also it is often tied in to mental fantasy, not sexual ones but perhaps a new film out from a favourite actor, or seeing a new sic if show, and it all gets caught up in my mind.

sometimes I think it's my cerebellum rebelling and dosing me up on hormones to make sure I don't live in my head the whole time.

i realise this is something a bit delicate to talk about, but wondered if it is something others experience too, or just peculiar to me?

Parents

  • I've had similar problems, maybe not too similar, but sex is not always on my agenda.  I was with my ex for 7 years and we probably had sex about 6 times in that whole time.  I reallydidn' enjoy it with him, I realy didn't see the point.  I was happier learning about the periodic table! In the past I've not really had an emotional attachment with sex, which can be a problem with women on the autistic spectrum.  It was just somethin else the body did, like eating or walking, and just used it to my advantage.  Guys do find me different because if I don't feel something, I say so, and my facial expression never changes.  I very rarely express emotion anyway so I think it makes the guys feel awkward beause before women may act and do all sorts of faces and expressions and then theres me, making the guys feel like they're not doing a very good job.

    I've never seen the point in sex, or, actually I've never understood the giant hype about it.  I would've happily gone ages without it in favour of more constructive fun things to do.  There would be times that my curiosity peaked and I did want to do it, but like you said it doesn't appear as regularly as some people may like it to.  It's different with my current partner because I feel very relaxed aroun him, which I've not really experienced with someone before.  He understands my issues and doesn't make me do anything I don't want to.  He will suggest something and if I don't want to do it then we can come to a comprimise.  He has helped me see that it is something that can stengthen a bond between two people, but to me I'd be very happy with him even if we never did it again because sex is not why I fell in love with him. And I'm sure it's not the reasons you too got together either.  I mean that in a nice way, I just didn't know how to word that.  

    But, these things aren't always limited to relationships with people on the autism spectrum.  Sex is always a topic of conversation in relationships.  As long as you both communicate the best you can about it then you will know where you both stand.  Hopefully.

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  • I've had similar problems, maybe not too similar, but sex is not always on my agenda.  I was with my ex for 7 years and we probably had sex about 6 times in that whole time.  I reallydidn' enjoy it with him, I realy didn't see the point.  I was happier learning about the periodic table! In the past I've not really had an emotional attachment with sex, which can be a problem with women on the autistic spectrum.  It was just somethin else the body did, like eating or walking, and just used it to my advantage.  Guys do find me different because if I don't feel something, I say so, and my facial expression never changes.  I very rarely express emotion anyway so I think it makes the guys feel awkward beause before women may act and do all sorts of faces and expressions and then theres me, making the guys feel like they're not doing a very good job.

    I've never seen the point in sex, or, actually I've never understood the giant hype about it.  I would've happily gone ages without it in favour of more constructive fun things to do.  There would be times that my curiosity peaked and I did want to do it, but like you said it doesn't appear as regularly as some people may like it to.  It's different with my current partner because I feel very relaxed aroun him, which I've not really experienced with someone before.  He understands my issues and doesn't make me do anything I don't want to.  He will suggest something and if I don't want to do it then we can come to a comprimise.  He has helped me see that it is something that can stengthen a bond between two people, but to me I'd be very happy with him even if we never did it again because sex is not why I fell in love with him. And I'm sure it's not the reasons you too got together either.  I mean that in a nice way, I just didn't know how to word that.  

    But, these things aren't always limited to relationships with people on the autism spectrum.  Sex is always a topic of conversation in relationships.  As long as you both communicate the best you can about it then you will know where you both stand.  Hopefully.

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