Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi I have messed up big time and I don’t know what to do. Had a massive argument with my friend earlier wanted to talk to him in person about how I feel about him and well if I was to be with someone else that I wouldn’t cut Rikki from my life. That didn’t go well he blocked my number and I ended up going over his because I really wanted us to talk and he was very angry lots of shouting and he slammed the door in my face. I then hand wrote him a letter hoping maybe he read it and he understand everything and I posted it knocked his door after posting it and I ran off. I only did that to me sure he got the letter and not any of his flat mates as he lives in a shared house he messaged me and his response wasn’t good at all. It just feels like recently when I try to make things right but they get worse and I really don’t know what to do. I really don’t want to lose Rikki as a friend I’m devastated and absolutely heart broken. How can I get him to understand what he means to me?
I have tried but he not ready to forgive me yet. I shouldn’t have done what I did last night but I’m just fed up of us arguing him blocking me and I just wanted to tell him that but emotions were raised and I just made things worse. I just hope that we can talk properly in a few days.
I can't really tell if you were just friends with Rikki, or something more than that, but when you brought up that if you were to be with someone else, that you wouldn't cut Rikki out of your life, and that lead to an argument, it got me thinking. In general, a man befriends a woman because he is interested in her (to hook up with/date), and he is just waiting for her to give him the opportunity to allow that to happen.
But he could be waiting for an eternity, because women have two categories that for men, one that they'll hook up with/date, and one that they'll be strictly platonic friends with (and with no intimacy). I think that for Rikki, he discovered that he is in the "friend" category and has been forever "friend-zoned," which seems like an eternal purgatory of waiting for men, never reaching heaven, and he decided to cut his loses and end the friendship now, rather than become the future "support" and the "shoulder to cry on" for whenever you and another man have problems in your relationship, because no man who is interested in you, wants to be pulled into the relationship problems and drama that you're having with another man. He'll just tell you that you chose him, so go back to him and deal with it.
I know you don't want to lose Rikki as a friend, but considering how he reacted, I don't think he wanted to always remain a friend to you, and he wanted something more than that. I think that if he backtracks, and unblocks you, and he continues the friendship with you, he knows that it'll never grow into anything more than that, and that's disheartening for him, and it's also bad to think that he'll just end up as the shoulder to cry on, because another man caused you to cry so you ran to him for support, but then once the other man finally decides to call you to make amends, you'll just happily go back to the other man and ditch him to be alone again. That's not a great thought for someone who's interested in you.
I know that I write a lot, but this is just my personal speculation of things. I don't really know you or Rikki in person, so I'm not sure what's actually going on between the two of you. I am just giving my thoughts to what comes to mind when I read about your situation. I hope it works out for you in the end.
Have you sent him an apology? Try just saying sorry and say you want to be a good friend to him and didn't mean to upset him, didn't realise what you were doing.