it's been months since I last spoke here

my suicidal thoughts haven't gotten any better and now because of my mf social worker i so f  want to scream and swear at her some of the organisations i was involved with discharged me horribly and idk what i am supposed to do anymore. The reason why i decided to talk now is because i got endoscopy on thursday and idk what to expect and i'm scared but yeah and that's all.