Avoidant Personality?

Hello,

The other day I went to a career support group. I told them about my difficulties communicating with people and how it is making securing a job difficult. Their response was 'that's odd - you're communicating fine with us.' Every time I feel that I have difficulties in social interaction, other people demand 'examples' yet it suddenly becomes hard to give them, or they tell me 'you're fine with me' but either that's because we're talking about a set topic (i.e. getting a job), or I start talking about something I am interested in (i.e. dogs)

When doing the AQ with my mum (I scored 38 independently, 30 with her.) she notices that I score lower (as in less autistic) when I was a child (2 - 11) than what I did as a teen or as an adult.

In childhood 5 - 16, I spent a lot of time in hospital, when I talked with people it was about medical stuff because I had to (actually, I didn't talk, my mum did.) People I talked to sometimes at school would stop talking to me. I know my fear of touch is because of the medical trauma, not an autism sensory thing. However, my mum seems to think my lack of engagement with others is because of this as opposed to something biological. It very well could be, or really, I think both.

Yet, the AvPD diagnosis often talks about a later onset that is linked to trauma.

The onset of my ''autistic traits'' are a hard one, because my preschool teachers noticed that I ''didn't play with others'' which is what I remember, but my mum seems to think I was fine when other people came to play with me at our house. I'm not sure, I thought that it was difficult having another person there - not knowing how to play with them. I can't remember anything specific from that time, I was 2 - 5. I also remember a lot of difficulty socially and sensory wise (particularly auditory and tactile) she didn't seem to notice at school between the ages of 4 - 11.

I hate not being able to express my words properly, then having people undermine me by saying that I express myself fine.

IF my social deficits (unlike differences in autism) are due to AvPD - I'd basically be a social outcast for the rest of my life. A diagnosis of AvPD would be a negative feedback loop. I don't want that. I want to have friends, but I get caught up talking about my interests that I think I make it hard for people. I want friends where we can talk passionatly about our interests and not care how other's percieve our communication style. Yet, I am not sure if my ''interests'' are ''autistic enough'' in intensity.

I'm also just worried that even if I am autistic, the diagnosis person will just give me AvPD like a lot of women are misdiagnosed.

I'm over thinking things again, I hate it. I'm scared.

I know you can't give me a diagnosis, I know my only way forward is to get an assessment. I just needed somewhere to put this and ''get it out of my head''

I'm sorry if I'm being annoying.

As always,

Thank-you

Parents
  • trouble is alot of disorders all allign and sound the same anyway.... you can look up schizoid and schizotypal and probably think it could be that too as they are pretty much word for word the same as asd and avoidant personality lol

    in the end no one truly knows not even the person giving diagnosis... all they can do at best, all the proffesionals can do is guess with the limited info you give them. and then if they diagnose you they maybe wrong, it maybe one of the others lol

Reply
  • trouble is alot of disorders all allign and sound the same anyway.... you can look up schizoid and schizotypal and probably think it could be that too as they are pretty much word for word the same as asd and avoidant personality lol

    in the end no one truly knows not even the person giving diagnosis... all they can do at best, all the proffesionals can do is guess with the limited info you give them. and then if they diagnose you they maybe wrong, it maybe one of the others lol

Children
  • Hello,

    I know - that is why I wish that a brain scan or a chromosome test would show something. That way, I would know for certain.

    I just want to know what is "wrong" with me and how I can "fix" it.

    I struggle with communicating with others. If I know if I'm autistic or not, or whatever else is going on, then I can work to understand my way of communicating - then try to find common understanding with the other person I'm communicating with.

    That's why I am seeking a diagnosis [of I don't know what] in order to be a better person and better able to exist in the social world - something I am majorly struggling with.

    Also, I like consistency. I need to know what I am doing and when I am doing it. I need rules and my expectations to be clearly communicated to me. When I am given conflicting instructions, or vauge statements like ''use your intuition'' (which then I get told I am wrong - so my intuition is wrong?) I get confused, fustrated, start crying, want to hide and sometimes hit myself because there's something wrong with my brain.

    WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?

    I know many people like being ''different'' and ''unique'' - I just want to be NORMAL.

    At least if I were autistic then I could be normal in an autistic way.

    Otherwise there's just something wrong with me and I want to fix it.

  • True. My psychiatrist had half my intelligence, that is being generous actually. I felt like I was giving her therapy rather than her giving me. I don't need them cranks anymore, I've figured out how to make money without them.