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Family Problems feeling sad :-(

Astrid
8 months ago

My relatives have always been not very nice to me since I was a child. 

I am feeling down because of it. 

They have said lots of hurtful things, and I always find myself trying harder and harder to be part of the wider family. 

I am a polite nice person. 

There has been gaslighting towards me and even belittling due to the fact that I do not own my home, in fact they turn their noses up at my cute little studio flat. 

One year I invited them all to my birthday celebrations in a small venue in that it would only cost each person the amount of a drink or cheap meal and would have been under £10 each, they are used to spending much more for a meal. But I thought the relaxed atmosphere would be nice. They all either declined or ignored me. 

My little cousin, who I always treated like a sister when growing up (I have no sisters or brothers so this was the next thing) is getting married, they got engaged a few years ago, but I only found out about the engagement just a few months ago. I now know that I have not been invited to the wedding but everyone else has apart from one other in the family who is not well off. I got upset, and said that I am sorry I did not send an engagement gift and that I will do so as a belated gift. Well I guess that is going to be a lot of money. But I will send it as I said I would. 

I just feel that they do not know that they are neurodiverse too but they do not seem to be empathic or have limited empathic abilities. the other relative (the one also left out) and myself are highly empathic so it hurts us a lot to be treated like this. 

I feel like nothing and feel that I am unloved by them. 

I have the other relative and I have an uncle who is nice and I have a lovely boyfriend so I am lucky there. 

But there is a huge gap in my life due to the way I was treated. 

There has been a live long moments of belittlement and bullying by words from them all at different points in my life from childhood to adulthood. I always wish and crave that one day they will be nice and not have any dramas anymore, or at least less dramas, and just be a proper family. 

Have you been through similar with family or friends? how do you cope? and any advice please. 

Thank you 

Hope you are well 

Parents
  • 8 months ago

    Hi I was adopted and abused by them plus my natural birth mother and siblings don't want to have a relationship with me etc and yes I'm OK it's nothing I did...as you say you're a nice person and i get it and I believe you...unfortunately life can be a bit random.in that you just get unlucky and you don't get to choose family and sometimes they're just god hideous people and it sucks. Yeah sounds like plain bullying and gaslighting which us just pretty cowardly and usually people like that are just so messed up there's nothing you can do and it's best to just detach yourself if it's harming you as its just abuse plain and simple.  All you can do is be with the people that build up your confidence ie your uncle and boyfriend.  They may be in denial about neuro diversity.  Seriously just be with the people that love you and don't be around people who are abusive..that's all you can do.

Reply
  • 8 months ago

    Hi I was adopted and abused by them plus my natural birth mother and siblings don't want to have a relationship with me etc and yes I'm OK it's nothing I did...as you say you're a nice person and i get it and I believe you...unfortunately life can be a bit random.in that you just get unlucky and you don't get to choose family and sometimes they're just god hideous people and it sucks. Yeah sounds like plain bullying and gaslighting which us just pretty cowardly and usually people like that are just so messed up there's nothing you can do and it's best to just detach yourself if it's harming you as its just abuse plain and simple.  All you can do is be with the people that build up your confidence ie your uncle and boyfriend.  They may be in denial about neuro diversity.  Seriously just be with the people that love you and don't be around people who are abusive..that's all you can do.

Children