I hate this life and yes I know you don't care

I know how you feel, it sucks. We should be allowed euthanasia.

If I wanted to do myself in, who can stop me?

I've had the frighteneing experience of telling a normie (I thought) "friend" how effing depressed I am, and in the same conversation he tells me the most effective and painless way to do myself in!

The subsequent events are another story entirely, and a serious "life learning" experience for me.

Suffice to tell the readers (if I have any) I amanged by luck and personal effort to pull myself together somewhat and choose a better life rather than an ignominious death.

I understand that the O/P has also Considered his own options since writing this post, and also chosen to make himself a somewhat better life.

Making your own life better is not a thing you TRY to do, it's a thing that you choose to do, whatever it takes. 

Roswell turned out to be genuinely looking for change, in a later post he told us that he'd made some changes and was enjoying the results. 

Now, we all know enough about life not to expect him to sail off into the sunset all problems cured, but he has got himself to a position that the next time the blues come, he can remember when he made things "not so crap", all he has to do is rest and gather his energy, and he can have it all again. And again. 

Depression is often described as a sort of pit, and the metaphor works very well for me.

I feel actual fear when I'm really miserable just like I am sliding down the side of a pit. Now the first thing that needs to be done is to stop the slide. I generally achieve that by sleeping or otherwise resting a lot. Next there is now the fact that Ive slid halfway into a pit of misery to contend with!

I've learned that trying to climb striaght up can lead to further slippage BUT moving sideways (Psychologically speaking, accepting my present position, and seeing what I can get out of it, rather than simply yearning for things to get better) is more doable, and I can at least keep moving even if it isn't immediately upwards. KInda like getting your car out of a muddy sloping field (Glastonbury). You drive sideways and get a feel for the terrain then curve upwards.

BUT. That's a linear slope, depression is more of a cone with ignominious death at the bottom and all the intersting stuff wating for you to figure out how to get to it. You need to go round in circles to gradually improve your position. 

The only sad bit for me as I keep screwing my own self out of the pit is seeing people slide past me out of control failing away and screaming. Some times I shout back, teh equivalent of "relax and spead yourslef out" until you stop sliding. Occasionally people listen.

If I wanted to do myself in, who can stop me?

I've had the frighteneing experience of telling a normie (I thought) "friend" how effing depressed I am, and in the same conversation he tells me the most effective and painless way to do myself in!

The subsequent events are another story entirely, and a serious "life learning" experience for me.

Suffice to tell the readers (if I have any) I amanged by luck and personal effort to pull myself together somewhat and choose a better life rather than an ignominious death.

I understand that the O/P has also Considered his own options since writing this post, and also chosen to make himself a somewhat better life.

Making your own life better is not a thing you TRY to do, it's a thing that you choose to do, whatever it takes. 

Roswell turned out to be genuinely looking for change, in a later post he told us that he'd made some changes and was enjoying the results. 

Now, we all know enough about life not to expect him to sail off into the sunset all problems cured, but he has got himself to a position that the next time the blues come, he can remember when he made things "not so crap", all he has to do is rest and gather his energy, and he can have it all again. And again. 

Depression is often described as a sort of pit, and the metaphor works very well for me.

I feel actual fear when I'm really miserable just like I am sliding down the side of a pit. Now the first thing that needs to be done is to stop the slide. I generally achieve that by sleeping or otherwise resting a lot. Next there is now the fact that Ive slid halfway into a pit of misery to contend with!

I've learned that trying to climb striaght up can lead to further slippage BUT moving sideways (Psychologically speaking, accepting my present position, and seeing what I can get out of it, rather than simply yearning for things to get better) is more doable, and I can at least keep moving even if it isn't immediately upwards. KInda like getting your car out of a muddy sloping field (Glastonbury). You drive sideways and get a feel for the terrain then curve upwards.

BUT. That's a linear slope, depression is more of a cone with ignominious death at the bottom and all the intersting stuff wating for you to figure out how to get to it. You need to go round in circles to gradually improve your position. 

The only sad bit for me as I keep screwing my own self out of the pit is seeing people slide past me out of control failing away and screaming. Some times I shout back, teh equivalent of "relax and spead yourslef out" until you stop sliding. Occasionally people listen.